


Friends

by Pyramyriad



Series: Hapless Friends [1]
Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse), Resident Evil - All Media Types
Genre: Airplanes, Alcohol, All The Ships, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Art, Artists, Awkward Boners, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Sexual Situations, Awkwardness, Bad Jokes, Barbie Dolls, Barbie References, Between Rage and Serenity, Big Boy, Bioterrorism Security Assessment Alliance | BSAA, C-Virus, Children, Crushes, Denial, Denial of Feelings, Dick Jokes, Dirty Jokes, Disney, Drinking, Drinking & Talking, Drinking to Cope, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Flirting, Drunkenness, F/M, Family, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Game: Resident Evil 6, Greyhound, Group chat, Happy Landings!, Heavy Angst, Humor, Jokes, Love/Hate, Marriage, Nerdiness, Nerdville, One Big Happy Family, Post-Lanshiang Bioterror Outbreaks, Post-Resident Evil 6, Profanity, Puppets, Raccoon City, Rage, Regret, Resident Evil 6 Spoilers, Romance, Romantic Friendship, Siblings, Singing, Snow White Elements, So Wrong It's Right, SpongeBob SquarePants References, Stupidity, T-Virus, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, This Is STUPID, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Timeline What Timeline, Unrequited Hate, Unrequited Love, Virus, What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking?, Why Did I Write This?, Why is the Rum Gone?, fatass, greased weasel, multi-chapter, nerds, planes, references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2020-08-19 07:44:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 16,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20206198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pyramyriad/pseuds/Pyramyriad
Summary: Poor Sherry has her work cut out mediating the others in her group chat. All she wants is for everyone to be friends, but they have different ideas.





	1. These People Are Not My Friends

** _Sherry_ ** _ created the group **Friends**_

** _Sherry_ ** _ added **Jake**, **Leon**, **Helena**, **Chris**,** Piers** and** Ada** to the group_

**Ada:** sherry dear

**Sherry:** yeah

**Ada:** these people are not my friends

**Leon:** what about me

**Ada:** these people are not my friends

**Leon:** :<

**Helena:** yeah you really should change the group name

**Sherry:** but

**Chris:** call it six people plus bitch no one invited

**Ada:** mature

**Sherry:** but i did invite her

**Piers:** why

**Sherry:** she saved me

**Jake:** sorta

**Sherry:** what do you mean sorta

**Jake:** well i did most of the saving you thing

**Sherry:** i mean that one time in china

**Sherry:** you know what im talking about

**Jake:** when were we in china

**Piers:** you even know where china is

**Jake:** im still debating kickin your ass lapdog

**Piers:** at least let me buy you a map first so you can find china

**Ada:** are you selling tickets

**_Chris_** changed **_Ada_** to **_bitch_**

**bitch:** love you too

**Leon:** i can smell your scowl from here chris

**Chris:** what

**Helena:** what

**Sherry:** no

**Sherry:** no fighting here

**Sherry:** i made this group so we can all be friends

**Sherry:** and god damn it we are all going to be friends

**Chris:** no

**Sherry:** what do you mean no

**Leon:** uh oh

**Jake:** assholes bout to be pouted to death

**Helena:** by a pixie

**Sherry:** im not a pixie

**Helena:** youre like one of santas little helpers

**Sherry:** take that back

**Leon:** you sorta are

**Jake:** cute

**Piers:** you are so messed up

**Jake:** says mutant boy

**Piers:** kiss my ass

**Jake:** youd like that wouldnt you

**Chris:** you wanna kiss his ass youll have to go through mine first

**Leon:** what

**Helena:** what

**Sherry:** what

**bitch:** what

**Jake:** the fuck

**Piers:** what does that even mean chris

**Piers:** i am so confused

**Jake:** what else is new

**Piers:** go fuck yourself or your pixie friend

** _Sherry_ ** _ kicked **Piers** from the group_

**Chris:** bring him back

**Helena:** thought you hated him

**Chris:** bring him back

**Helena:** ugh

**Sherry:** no not until he apologises

**Jake:** which is never

**Sherry:** he called me a pixie

**Jake:** wow okay

**Helena:** so did i

** _Sherry_ ** _ kicked **Helena** from the group_

**Leon:** sherry

**Sherry:** i want apologies from every one of you

**Chris:** the hell did i do

**bitch:** me too

**Sherry:** okay chris ada and jake can stay

**Jake:** mwah

**Leon:** and me

**Sherry:** okay i forgive you

**Chris:** wait why him

**Sherry:** cause he was just following the crowd

**Leon:** yay

** _Sherry_ ** _ added **Helena** to the group_

**Helena:** oh yay i live

**bitch:** lucky you

**Leon:** what about piers

**Chris:** add him back already

**Sherry:** okay fine

**Jake:** fuckin dont

**Jake:** we can do without asshole junior

**Chris:** true but i want somebody to bully

**Leon:** big bully

** _Sherry_ ** _ added **Piers** to the group_

**Piers:** why

** _Jake_ ** _ changed **Piers** to **mutant lapdog**_

**mutant lapdog:** i ask again why

**Chris:** why mutant

**mutant lapdog:** thats the bit you have a problem with

**Chris:** but the other bit is accurate

**Chris:** sorta

** _mutant lapdog_ ** _ changed **Chris** to **asshole amnesiac**_

**asshole amnesiac:** that hurts

**mutant lapdog:** good

**Jake:** lovers spat

**Helena:** you sound jealous jake

**bitch:** pfft

**Jake:** the hell is wrong with you

**Jake:** sherry stop laughin

**Sherry:** sorry

**Leon:** but jake loves sherry right

**Helena:** thanks leon for the freaking obvious

**Jake:** i do not love sherry

**Leon:** you called her cute

**mutant lapdog:** denial

**Jake:** shut the fuck up

**asshole amnesiac:** denial

**Jake:** i dont

**Helena:** denial

**Jake:** stop

**bitch:** denial

**Jake:** not you too

**Leon:** sounds like denial

**Jake:** fuckin kick me

**Sherry:** i gave you admin powers

** _Jake_ ** _ has left the group_


	2. Ghost

asshole amnesiac: Chris

mutant lapdog: Piers

bitch: Ada

** _Sherry_ ** _ added **Jake** to the group_

**Jake:** no

**Sherry:** cmon

**Jake:** not doin it

**Sherry:** pleeeeeeeeeeeeease

**bitch:** is the big baby still sulking

**Jake:** im not

**Jake:** i hate you all

**Sherry:** cept me

**Jake:** cept you

**Helena:** can i apologise for leon being a giant manchild wholl imitate anything

**mutant lapdog:** but we all knew that already

**Helena:** true but im still apologising

**mutant lapdog:** apology accepted

**Helena:** seriously though im tired of babysitting him

**Helena:** take him off my hands

**Leon:** :<

**asshole amnesiac:** give him to bitch

**bitch:** how dare you assume i dont have a life

**mutant lapdog:** you dont

**asshole amnesiac:** cause you died

**Leon:** you died

**bitch:** yes i am a ghost

**Sherry:** shes not a ghost stop being idiots

**Leon:** you sure

**Helena:** yes leon

**mutant lapdog:** howd you get stuck with him

**Helena:** i wouldnt point fingers

**mutant lapdog:** point taken

**asshole amnesiac:** take that fuckin back i am amazin

**mutant lapdog:** skilled rockpuncher

**Sherry:** you seriously punched a rock

**mutant lapdog:** in a volcano and everything

**mutant lapdog:** it was incredible

**asshole amnesiac:** i did it to save a partner

**asshole amnesiac:** she was gonna fall

**bitch: **managed to save that one then

** _asshole amnesiac_ ** _ changed **bitch** to **fucking bitch**_

**fucking bitch:** love you more

**asshole amnesiac:** go to hell

**fucking bitch:** already there sweetheart

**Sherry:** piers im changing your name

**mutant lapdog:** finally

**mutant lapdog:** make it something good

**Jake:** like head up captains ass

**mutant lapdog:** fuck off

**Sherry:** no i got something better

**Jake:** even better than that

** _Sherry_ ** _ changed **mutant lapdog** to **BorkSAA**_

**BorkSAA: **god why

**Jake:** hahaha thats my girl

**Helena:** bork bork

**BorkSAA:** stop

**asshole amnesiac:** more accurate

**BorkSAA:** chris sometimes youre such an ass

**asshole amnesiac:** amazin ass

**Sherry:** got the most adorable puppo face

**Jake:** wait what

**fucking bitch: **youre worrying the baby

**Sherry:** just cause i wanna play with piers face doesnt mean i wanna sleep with him

**BorkSAA:** wow well okay

**asshole amnesiac:** this got weird fast

**Leon:** youre closer to piers age than jakes

**Jake:** shut up

**asshole amnesiac:** way to make it weirder

**fucking bitch:** we should get back to jakes love for sherry

**Jake:** god damn it no

**Sherry:** anything to unweird this

**Jake:** not that though

**BorkSAA:** yes that

**Leon:** please that

**fucking bitch:** were all dying to hear about you two lovebirds

** _Helena_ ** _ changed **Jake** to **pixie lover**_

**pixie lover:** change it back

**Sherry:** helena im warning you

**Sherry:** three strikes and youre out

**Helena:** totally worth it

**pixie lover:** how is this fair

**asshole amnesiac:** punishment for fuckin off

**fucking bitch:** true

**pixie lover:** fuck you ghost

**Leon:** so she is a ghost

**Helena:** im getting tranqs

**pixie lover:** screw the tranq

**pixie lover:** change me back right now

**Sherry:** it stays

**pixie lover:** noooooo

**Sherry:** jake stop that

**pixie lover:** noooooo

**asshole amnesiac:** what are you two doin over there

**Helena:** jake you there

**fucking bitch:** taking silence as no

**BorkSAA:** helena did you tranq jake too

**Helena:** i wish

**asshole amnesiac:** you mean you really tranqd leon

**Helena:** sure did


	3. Rock

pixie lover: Jake

asshole amnesiac: Chris

BorkSAA: Piers

fucking bitch: Ada

**Helena:** tell us more about your rock

**asshole amnesiac:** seriously

**fucking bitch:** was it a pet rock

**Leon:** with a face

**pixie lover:** fuck hes awake

**pixie lover:** use another tranq he woke up

**Helena:** cant its too soon

**asshole amnesiac:** it wasnt a rock it was a boulder

**Leon:** but did it have a face

**asshole amnesiac:** no face

**Helena:** is that why you cant remember anything

**asshole amnesiac:** my memorys fine

**BorkSAA:** keep telling yourself that

**Sherry:** seriously what happened

**Sherry:** whod you try to save

**asshole amnesiac:** my partner i told you

**Helena:** was it the bork bork

**BorkSAA:** stop

**pixie lover:** is that why asshole junior types one handed

**fucking bitch:** one handed you say

**Sherry:** ada

**Helena:** jerking off

**Sherry:** helena

**asshole amnesiac:** can an octopus jerk off

**fucking bitch:** probably an expert

**BorkSAA:** im not an octopus you bunch of dicks

**Leon:** jellyfish

**BorkSAA:** not a jellyfish

**Leon:** squid

**BorkSAA:** enough

**pixie lover:** you didnt say no to jerkin off

**Sherry:** can we get back to the rock

**Sherry:** wanna hear

**asshole amnesiac:** it happened four years ago

**BorkSAA:** in the depths of africa where deals were going down for selling bows on the black market captain boulderfield and his partner busty were sent in to investigate

**pixie lover:** boulderfield and busty

**asshole amnesiac:** wait a sec

**Leon:** as busty as helena

**Helena:** shut up leon

**BorkSAA:** they chased ricardo montalban all the way into a marsh where they boxed crocs but ricardo managed to escape to the mines which were pitch black

**Leon:** were there ghosts

**Helena:** what is it with you and ghosts

**Sherry:** leon are you afraid of ghosts

**Leon:** no

**fucking bitch:** lies

**Leon:** okay im afraid of ghosts

**asshole amnesiac:** what is this alcoholics anonymous

**BorkSAA:** you would know

**Leon:** ghosts anonymous

**Sherry:** continue adventure

**BorkSAA:** so the chase continued through oil fields and on a big boat where ricardo turned into a wiggly whale until boulderfield and busty blew it up with guns

**Leon:** how do you blow up with guns

**Helena:** finally some sense from him

**fucking bitch:** itll pass soon enough

**Helena:** anything we can do to stretch it out

**Leon:** we talking about stretching

**Leon:** i do pilates

**Helena:** aaaand were back

**Sherry:** piers

**BorkSAA:** right

**BorkSAA:** boulderfield and busty win the fight and end up on a set from the lion king then venture deeper into a not umbrella lab and fight strawb jello with claws

**Leon:** strawb jello

**Leon:** can i have jello

**Helena:** god damn it look what you did

**BorkSAA:** not my problem

**Helena:** he wont stop until i get him something

**fucking bitch:** ill handle it for you

**Helena:** im sceptical

**fucking bitch:** i promise

**Helena:** well see

**BorkSAA:** after fighting lots of different flavoured jello they ended up facing off against crazy sunglasses and his barbie in a maze

**asshole amnesiac:** it wasnt a maze

**pixie lover:** crazy sunglasses

**BorkSAA:** also known as where is china senior

**pixie lover:** oh fuck you i know where china is

**Sherry:** he knows now i bought him a map

**pixie lover:** ugh

**BorkSAA:** barbie got saved but sunglasses walked away so slow that boulderfield coulda caught up

**asshole amnesiac:** i was pinned

**BorkSAA:** by barbie

**asshole amnesiac:** shes not barbie

**asshole amnesiac:** but yeah

**fucking bitch: **youre a bottom

**Sherry:** ada stop making this creepy

**fucking bitch:** nope

**asshole amnesiac:** how am i creepy

**Sherry:** i dont wanna think about claires bro bottoming

**fucking bitch:** yes you do

**BorkSAA:** then there was a boat

**fucking bitch:** with bottoming

**BorkSAA:** no just a boat

**BorkSAA:** i dont wanna think about it either

**fucking bitch:** yes you do

**pixie lover:** prob does

**BorkSAA:** im gonna think about your girlfriend bottoming instead

**pixie lover:** lets go asshole

**Sherry:** oh god why me piers

**Leon:** why not helena

**BorkSAA:** cause it doesnt piss jake off

**Leon:** ohhhhhhh

**Helena:** should i be offended

**fucking bitch:** yes

**Helena:** then i am offended

**Sherry:** please pick on helena instead

**BorkSAA:** if itll make you feel better

**fucking bitch:** helena stop being offended he chose you

**Helena:** my life is complete

**asshole amnesiac:** i dont bottom

**fucking bitch:** you do

**fucking bitch:** you go on top and youll crush with your muscles

**Helena:** rock hard muscles

** _asshole amnesiac_ ** _ changed **fucking bitch** to **fucking fucking bitch**_

**fucking fucking bitch:** disappointed by your lack of originality

**asshole amnesiac:** i fuckin hate you

**Leon:** wait a rock got punched

**BorkSAA:** to save busty from falling into fire yep

**BorkSAA:** thats how he got the name boulderfield

** _Sherry_ ** _ changed **asshole amnesiac** to **Boulderfield**_

**Boulderfield:** ugh fine i accept

**fucking fucking bitch:** could be worse

**Leon:** so they won

**BorkSAA:** they won

**Leon:** yay

**Sherry:** howd they get away

**BorkSAA:** teleportation

**asshole amnesiac:** are you fuckin serious

**Helena:** im pretty sure half this story is missing piers

**fucking fucking bitch:** no it was perfect

**pixie lover:** lost ten minutes of my life that coulda been spent on better things

**fucking fucking bitch:** nuzzling your little blonde friend

**pixie lover:** im makin a hit list

**Sherry:** you can nuzzle me anytime but piers story i might never hear again

**Boulderfield:** fuckin right about that

**BorkSAA:** whatd i do

**Boulderfield:** you totally storyblocked me

**BorkSAA:** i what

**Boulderfield:** i was gonna tell them what really happened

**BorkSAA:** but i made it more exciting

**Boulderfield:** you made it stupider

**BorkSAA:** i spiced up your boring ass version

**Boulderfield:** fuck you you werent even there

**pixie lover: **whyd you even try to save him

**pixie lover:** shoulda left him in the ocean

**Sherry:** no thats mean

**Boulderfield:** i dunno im starting to regret my decision

**BorkSAA:** you douchebag i only got this wiggly arm because of your fuck ups

**Leon:** wiggly arm like a squid

** _Helena _ ** _changed **BorkSAA **to **Squidward**_

**Squidward:** what the actual fuck


	4. Swear To Poseidon

pixie lover: Jake

Boulderfield: Chris

Squidward: Piers

fucking fucking bitch: Ada

** _pixie lover_ ** _ changed the group **Friends** to **Fronds**_

**Squidward:** i swear to god

**Boulderfield:** swear to poseidon

**Boulderfield:** dont you start roid ragin in your seat

**Leon:** raging squid

**Helena:** ohhhhh thats a much better name

**Helena:** i shouldve made it that

**Squidward:** i thought we were friends

**Helena:** you thought wrong

**fucking fucking bitch:** who gave jake power

**Sherry:** yeeaaaah that was my fault

**Sherry:** i made him mod and now i regret my life

**pixie lover:** mwah

**fucking fucking bitch:** least you know for next time

**Sherry:** i do

**fucking fucking bitch:** there will be many next times

**pixie lover:** up yours

**Sherry:** play nice jakey jake

**pixie lover: **dont wanna

**Boulderfield:** cmon jakey jake

**pixie lover:** shut the fuck up

**fucking fucking bitch:** you have pet names for each other

**Helena:** how pwecious

**Leon:** so whats yours sherry

**Sherry:** i dunno i think mine are pretty regular

**Sherry:** blondie

**Sherry:** goldilocks

**Sherry:** that kind of thing

**Sherry:** aw i want a better pet name jake

**fucking fucking bitch:** you make her cry

**pixie lover:** okay okay what would you like

**Sherry:** not pixie or santas little helper

**Leon:** wittle golden fluff

**Sherry:** yeah something like that

**pixie lover:** you shittin me

**Helena:** how about sherry werry

**Sherry:** that works too

**fucking fucking bitch:** jakes seducer

**Sherry:** ada

**pixie lover:** stop suggestin shit like that

**Squidward:** how about woman whos too good for you

**pixie lover:** fuck

**pixie lover: **and

**pixie lover: **you

**Boulderfield:** how bout national security but make it all caps

**Sherry:** thats so uncute not that please

**pixie lover: **lemme find something

**pixie lover:** you gotta stop squintin over my shoulder though

**Sherry:** okay

**pixie lover:** sit back down and ill do it

**pixie lover:** want it to be a surprise

**Sherry:** just show me now

**pixie lover:** sit

**Sherry:** im going im going

**fucking fucking bitch:** ;)

**Sherry:** stop

**Helena:** are you blushing

**pixie lover:** yeh

**Sherry:** i am not blushing

**Boulderfield:** back in denial land

**Leon:** where is denial land

**Squidward:** in the sky apparently

**Sherry:** im not blushing

**pixie lover:** like a tomato

**Sherry:** i will take away your privileges

**pixie lover:** shes not blushin

**fucking fucking bitch:** whipped

**Sherry:** its not denial land

**pixie lover:** im not whipped

**Helena:** this chat is denial land

**Boulderfield:** accurate

**Leon:** tomato

**Leon:** i am very hungry

**Helena:** shut up i know already

**Helena:** the food is coming

**Boulderfield:** youre like the king and queen of denial land

**Sherry:** only thing im queen of is this chat and i have kicking power

**Squidward:** of maybe a foot in front of you

**Sherry:** god damn it piers

**pixie lover:** everybody calm the fuck down

** _pixie lover_ ** _ changed **Sherry **to **babydoll**_

**babydoll:** gasp

**babydoll:** i love it

**fucking fucking bitch:** congratulations jake

**pixie lover: **what

**fucking fucking bitch: **youre going to lose your virginity tonight

**pixie lover:** i dont even

**Squidward:** adorable

**Helena:** daw

**Leon:** its magical

**pixie lover:** ugh

**fucking fucking bitch:** remember to use protection

**pixie lover:** fuckin

** _pixie lover_ ** _ kicked **fucking fucking bitch** from the group_

**babydoll:** thats it im taking your power away

**pixie lover:** im sorry ill stop i swear

**babydoll:** too late

**pixie lover:** noooooooooooooo

** _babydoll _ ** _added **fucking fucking bitch** to the group_

**fucking fucking bitch:** i live again

**Leon:** yay no more ghost

**Helena: **someone speed up time

**Squidward:** you run out of tranqs again ill lend you some

**babydoll:** piers why do you have tranqs

**fucking fucking bitch:** you really have to ask

**Boulderfield:** fuck you piers

**Boulderfield: **you try that shit on me again i will throw you against the wall and watch you sticky roll your way down

**Squidward:** only do it cause you give me reasons

**pixie lover:** film this

**fucking fucking bitch:** yes you film this and i will be nice to you forever

**Leon:** i wanna see

**Helena:** everyone wants to see this masterpiece

**babydoll:** so many images in my head right now

**Squidward:** its not as funny as it looks

**Boulderfield:** it fuckin is

**Boulderfield:** im filmin this and sellin it worldwide

**Squidward:** christ practically all of the bsaas seen it already

**Squidward:** is that not enough

**Boulderfield:** i just like tormentin you

**fucking fucking bitch:** what the bsaa is all about

**Boulderfield:** you bein nice was a lie

**fucking fucking bitch:** you havent filmed it yet

**Boulderfield:** touche


	5. Singalong

babydoll: Sherry

pixie lover: Jake

Boulderfield: Chris

Squidward: Piers

fucking fucking bitch: Ada

**Helena:** he did it i cant even

**babydoll:** did what

**Helena:** leon

**Squidward:** need a bit more info

**Helena:** leon

**Boulderfield:** more specific

**pixie lover:** pretty wide area of stupid shit

**fucking fucking bitch:** tell us all your woes helena

**Helena:** he gets bored on the plane

**Helena:** specially when hes hungry

**Helena:** so i put on the tv for him

**Helena:** how was i to know it was disney singalong

**Squidward:** hes leaving you alone though

**Helena:** like hell he is

**Helena:** he wants me to join in

**babydoll:** what movie is it

**Helena:** what

**babydoll:** which disney movie

**Helena:** how should i know

**Helena:** why does that even matter

**fucking fucking bitch:** helena dear you need to cope with this the adult way

**Helena:** whats that

**Boulderfield:** whoring

**fucking fucking bitch:** ooh you got me there

**pixie lover:** seriously tell us

**pixie lover:** we all might need it

**fucking fucking bitch:** i think youd all benefit from whoring yes

**Helena:** i beg you share your knowledge

**babydoll:** be nice ada she begged

**fucking fucking bitch:** im always nice

**fucking fucking bitch:** but you did beg and i like that

**pixie lover:** she a dom

**Boulderfield:** prob

**Squidward:** images

**Boulderfield:** im changing seats

**fucking fucking bitch:** you have a hard on for me boy

**pixie lover:** jerkin off and now a hard on

**Squidward:** boy

**pixie lover:** you didnt say no to hard on

**pixie lover:** he got hard on

**Squidward:** i do not

**babydoll:** would telling leon that calm him down

**fucking fucking bitch:** about the boys hard on

**babydoll:** dammit no

**babydoll:** god dammit you all know what i meant

**Helena:** we really dont

**babydoll:** oh my god

**babydoll:** i was talking about leon and ada being a dom

**babydoll:** youre all so shitty sometimes

**Helena:** back to advice i need it

**Helena:** i must know

**fucking fucking bitch:** okay its alcoholism

**Squidward:** seriously

**Boulderfield:** wait it does work

**babydoll:** no dont turn her into a hobo

**Helena:** temp hobo

**Helena:** have to do something before i go insane and out the airlock

**Boulderfield:** to the bar

**Squidward:** thats not good advice

**Boulderfield:** sounds good advice to me

**Squidward:** you would say that

**pixie lover:** you got any more sleeping pills or tranqs

**Helena:** no

**babydoll:** please what film is it i have to know

**pixie lover:** youre a fuckin disney dork

**babydoll:** damn right its the best

**fucking fucking bitch:** whats your favourite film sweetie

**babydoll:** little mermaid

**Helena:** oh shit thats what leons watching

**pixie lover:** that asshat singin under the fuckin sea

**Squidward:** this is a witch hunt

**Boulderfield:** no it fuckin isnt

**fucking fucking bitch:** nobody really likes you

**fucking fucking bitch:** youre an egomaniac

**Squidward:** coming from you

**fucking fucking bitch:** im liked

**pixie lover: **nope

**Squidward:** see

**pixie lover:** hate you both

**babydoll:** dont worry i like you ada

**Boulderfield:** leon really likes you

**fucking fucking bitch:** dont remind me

**Boulderfield:** he wants you ada

**fucking fucking bitch:** for the love of javo

**pixie lover:** he wanna tap

**fucking fucking bitch:** i refuse to be tapped

**Boulderfield:** its gonna happen whether you like it or not

**fucking fucking bitch:** is not

**pixie lover:** inevitable

**babydoll:** wait everyone

**babydoll:** helenas been quiet for ages

**fucking fucking bitch:** is she drinking

**Boulderfield:** hopefully

**Squidward:** this is a bad idea

**pixie lover:** youre a bad idea

**fucking fucking bitch:** ooh burn

**Squidward:** oh no my feelings are hurt

**Squidward:** dick

**pixie lover:** asshole

**Squidward:** shrimp fucker

**pixie lover:** er no thats you

**Boulderfield:** accurate

**fucking fucking bitch:** this feels more like word association than verbal sparring

**babydoll:** piers i resent that

**babydoll:** but more importantly is helena okay

**babydoll:** we should ask leon if shes okay

**fucking fucking bitch:** please dont

**babydoll:** im gonna go get leon

**babydoll:** dont do any stupid shit when im gone

**pixie lover:** we wont

**babydoll:** jake im looking at you

**fucking fucking bitch:** you seriously want him in charge again

**babydoll:** hes in charge so you all be good

**pixie lover:** hell yeah privileges

**Squidward:** mutiny

**fucking fucking bitch:** mutiny

**Boulderfield:** cant be assed

**Squidward:** traitor

**pixie lover:** 8)


	6. Drunk

babydoll: Sherry

pixie lover: Jake

Boulderfield: Chris

Squidward: Piers

fucking fucking bitch: Ada

**pixie lover:** so basically the only people i liked are gone

**Boulderfield:** i saved you

**fucking fucking bitch:** because leon said so

**Squidward:** true

**pixie lover:** very true

**Boulderfield:** coulda left you there

**Boulderfield:** but i didnt and that means something

**Squidward:** you hate me and still you tried to make me leave

**Boulderfield:** that was different

**Squidward:** how

**Boulderfield:** cause

**fucking fucking bitch:** can you feel the love

**pixie lover:** are you drunk

**fucking fucking bitch:** god i hope so

**Squidward:** hope helenas okay

**fucking fucking bitch:** do you love her

**Squidward:** why does me caring about anything mean i want its ass

**Boulderfield:** cause it usually does

**fucking fucking bitch:** indeed

**Boulderfield:** we have some kinda respect going on ada and do i like it

**fucking fucking bitch:** yes

**pixie lover:** weird

**fucking fucking bitch:** yes

**Squidward:** are you automated

**Squidward:** youre like a robot

**pixie lover:** automated bitch

**fucking fucking bitch:** yes

**fucking fucking bitch:** yes to everything

**Boulderfield:** told you shes a whore

**pixie lover:** ada island

**Squidward:** god no we had enough of that before

**fucking fucking island:** ada island does have a good ring to it

**Squidward:** stop her

**Boulderfield:** nah

**babydoll:** okay im back

**babydoll:** ada please no cloning

**fucking fucking bitch:** ugh fine

**babydoll:** wow

**babydoll:** no fights im amazed

**fucking fucking bitch:** we only fight when youre babysitting

**babydoll:** hey

**pixie lover:** its only cause we dont want you to miss out

**babydoll:** oh

**babydoll:** <3

**pixie lover:** <3

**fucking fucking bitch:** now take him in the bathroom and do things to him

**babydoll:** oh my god

**pixie lover:** dont you have an off switch

**fucking fucking bitch:** never ;)

**Leon:** hey friends

**fucking fucking bitch:** we have been through this leon

**fucking fucking bitch:** these people are not friends

**Leon:** but theyre my friends

**pixie lover:** fuck me did you say his name too many times

**Leon:** what

**babydoll:** never mind that

**babydoll:** is helena okay

**babydoll:** whats going on

**Leon:** this plane has a bar

**Leon:** she found it

**Leon:** then banned me from it

**Boulderfield:** you enjoy the movie

**Leon:** yaaaaaaaaaaas

**babydoll:** leon get helena here im worried

**Leon:** kay

**Boulderfield:** everyone pucker your asses

**Squidward:** what is it with you and asses

**Boulderfield:** i chose one as my partner didnt i

**fucking fucking bitch:** damn son

**pixie lover:** who needs enemies

**Helena:** heyyyyyyyyyy

**pixie lover:** uh oh

**Leon:** tada

**fucking fucking bitch:** get yourself some tissues boy

**Squidward:** stop with that

**Squidward:** i do not require wiping

**Boulderfield:** you will

**babydoll:** helena you doing okay

**Helena:** havn th best time o y life

**Boulderfield:** you sure thats helena and not leon or dildo brain

**fucking fucking bitch:** which one is dildo brain

**Boulderfield:** thought it was obvious

**fucking fucking bitch:** but there are too many

**Boulderfield:** true

**pixie lover:** fuck you

**Boulderfield:** eyyyy hole in one

**pixie lover:** youre the hole

**Helena:** we talk bout holes i like holes

**fucking fucking bitch:** told you itd work

**Squidward:** you are so wrong about that

**fucking fucking bitch:** keep drinking and all will be well

**babydoll:** okay i think youve gone too far

**fucking fucking bitch:** which one of us and which part

**babydoll:** all of it

**babydoll:** its time to stop

**Leon:** memes

**babydoll: **JAKE YOU LEAVE THAT GUN RIGHT THERE

**pixie lover:** aw

**Boulderfield:** damn all caps she means business

**pixie lover:** sure does

**Squidward:** whipped

**Leon:** like ice cream

**Leon:** ooh can i have ice cream

**Helena:** you have any you want lee

**fucking fucking bitch:** you were right i went too far

**babydoll:** leon you got to get the alcohol away from her

**Squidward:** without dying okay

**pixie lover:** dont try and take it away near the airlock

**Leon:** gotcha

**Boulderfield:** he can be trained its a miracle

**Squidward:** you sound like a proud dad

**Helena:** id like to make a dad outta you

**Squidward:** wait what

**Helena:** mmm you heard

**babydoll:** er

**fucking fucking bitch:** shhh just let them work it out

**babydoll:** but

**pixie lover:** shh the crazy bitch is right

**Helena:** let me love you

**Squidward:** um

**fucking fucking bitch:** do it

**Helena:** come n be my personal post it

**Squidward:** help please maybe someone anyone

** _pixie lover_ ** _ changed **Helena** to **bootylushious**_

**Squidward:** thats not help

**pixie lover:** its helping me

**Squidward:** im actually really scared now

**Leon:** this is like a disney romance

**babydoll:** er leon

**pixie lover:** what even the fuck

**Boulderfield:** you should double date

**Leon:** yeah double date

**bootylushious:** dont you fuckin dare start with the disney again

**pixie lover:** oh shit shes soberin up

**Squidward:** thank fucking god

**Leon:** lemme sing for you helena like before

**Leon:** help you sober up faster

**bootylushious:** it fucking wont

**Leon:** no seriously it works they did tests

**fucking fucking bitch:** they do tests on you leon

**Leon:** yeah but thats a story for another day

**bootylushious:** get the fuck away from me

**Leon:** come here im not done

**bootylushious:** nooooooooooooooooooooooo


	7. Triple Airlock Jump

babydoll: Sherry

pixie lover: Jake

Boulderfield: Chris

Squidward: Piers

fucking fucking bitch: Ada

bootylushious: Helena

**Leon:** :<

**Leon:** that was uncalled for helena

**Leon:** i am very upset with you

**pixie lover:** what are you a fuckin teacher

**pixie lover:** with the finger wagglin an shit

**fucking fucking bitch:** how would you know

**pixie lover:** shut up i went to school

**Boulderfield:** between the murder or the family funeral

**babydoll:** oh my god chris thats not okay

**Squidward:** but everything else up to now is

**babydoll: **thats going too far though

**fucking fucking bitch:** theyre right

**fucking fucking bitch:** were so alike my rock loving sweetie

**Boulderfield: **fuck off we are not

**bootylushious:** leon you started it okay

**bootylushious:** please somebody change this stupid name

**pixie lover:** nah it suits you

**Squidward:** im gonna need therapy

**bootylushious:** hey its not like i was in my right mind

**bootylushious:** and my god you really know how to compliment a woman

**Squidward:** i didnt mean it like that

**Squidward:** also you were drunk

**Leon:** shes still drunk

**bootylushious:** not so much

**bootylushious:** the buzz is going

**bootylushious:** this is worse than that time at college

**fucking fucking bitch:** ooh more stories

**bootylushious:** fucking no more

**pixie lover:** gimme more dirt

**babydoll:** you starting a gossip lounge

**Squidward:** a what

** _Boulderfield_ ** _ changed **fucking fucking bitch** to **Carla Radames**_

**bootylushious:** fuck you i meant my name

**Carla Radames:** hmmmmmmmmmmm

**Boulderfield:** you ponderin death bitch

**Carla Radames:** no murder

**Leon:** no murder <3

**pixie lover:** deffo wants you carla

**Carla Radames:** never

**Leon: **never <3

**Squidward:** keep putting hearts at the end of everything leon

**Leon:** okay <3

**bootylushious:** please no stop

**Leon:** <3

**bootylushious:** please leon

**Leon:** <3 <3

**bootylushious:** please i beg you

**Leon: **<3 <3 <3

**Boulderfield:** motherfuckin manchild

**Carla Radames:** please make that his name

**babydoll:** nooooo be nice to him

**bootylushious:** never <3

**Carla Radames:** never <3

**Boulderfield:** never <3

**pixie lover:** never <3

**Squidward:** just call this group <3 <3 <3 sherry

**babydoll: **gasp

**pixie lover:** oh shit we went too far

**Carla Radames:** theres no such thing ;)

**Leon:** <3

**bootylushious:** stop

**Carla Radames:** wait sherry dear

**babydoll:** yeah

**Carla Radames:** did you return jakey jake his admin priviledges

**pixie lover:** god fuckin damn

**babydoll:** i did but now i regret it

**babydoll:** cause i know whats coming

** _pixie lover_ ** _ changed **Leon** to **motherfuckin manchild**_

**motherfuckin manchild:** im sad now

**motherfuckin manchild:** im gonna go watch more disney

**babydoll:** which one this time

**bootylushious:** no stop him

**bootylushious:** please think of my liver

**pixie lover:** fuck you never

**bootylushious:** to the airlock

**motherfuckin manchild:** its aladdin this time

**Boulderfield:** fuck me in the ass

**Carla Radames:** reverse that and yes

**Boulderfield:** ew

**motherfuckin manchild:** ada no

**pixie lover:** ada yes

**babydoll:** jake

**Squidward:** im still scared

**bootylushious:** me too

**Boulderfield:** make it a triple airlock jump

**motherfuckin manchild:** can i jump too

**bootylushious: **fuck you this is to fucking get away from your disney fuckin ass

**pixie lover:** damn helena you know words

**Carla Radames:** a rare quality in this group

**pixie lover:** oh go suck boulders dick

**Carla Radames:** yes sir

**Boulderfield:** dont you even dare joke she probs could get on this plane

**Carla Radames:** you assume i haven’t already

**Boulderfield:** oh shit

**Squidward:** ugh

**motherfuckin manchild:** wait are you ada or carla now

**motherfuckin manchild:** also are you still a ghost

**Squidward:** christ

**bootylushious:** thats it everyone out the fucking airlock im done

**babydoll:** wait we didn’t establish why leons upset with helena

**bootylushious:** DONE


	8. Wacky Inflatable Arm Thing

babydoll: Sherry

pixie lover: Jake

Boulderfield: Chris

Squidward: Piers

Carla Radames: Ada

bootylushious: Helena

motherfuckin manchild: Leon

**babydoll:** everybody cooled off

**babydoll:** no more airlock attempts

**pixie lover:** nope

**bootylushious:** no i promise

**Squidward:** ugh

**Carla Radames:** only for fun and not death

**motherfuckin manchild:** me too

**babydoll: **dammit ada sometimes

**babydoll:** leon no its bad for your health

**motherfucking manchild:** aw okay

**Boulderfield:** not interested no

**pixie lover:** your fat abs fit out the airlock

**Boulderfield:** shut the fuck up baldy

**Boulderfield:** im not fat

**Squidward:** yeah its pure muscle

**Squidward:** have you not been listening

**Squidward:** its how he punches boulders

**motherfuckin manchild:** you ever punched the moon

**Boulderfield:** asshole

**Boulderfield:** shut up leon

**Carla Radames:** asshole you say

**Boulderfield:** ill kill you same way as wesker

**Squidward:** nice chris

**motherfuckin manchild:** volcano

**bootylushious:** yep

**motherfuckin manchild:** i dont want that

**Boulderfield:** then shut up about rocks

**motherfucking manchild:** all rocks or boulders or the moon

**Boulderfield:** all rocks

**pixie lover:** pretend i didnt hear anythin

**pixie lover:** so you aint fat

**pixie lover:** helenas the fat one

**babydoll:** jake

**Carla Radames:** ouch

**bootylushious:** excuse me

**pixie lover:** youre excused

**pixie lover:** hey leon you break your arms hurlin that fatass across gaps

**motherfuckin manchild:** no im strong

**Carla Radames:** big strong boy

**motherfuckin manchild:** :>

**babydoll:** stop encouraging him or hell start coming onto you

**Carla Radames:** youre right

**bootylushious:** you get over fighting with squidward that you need to come at me

**Squidward:** piers

**bootylushious:** whatever

**Carla Radames:** this is what romance feels like piers so get used to it

**Squidward:** i wish i could disagree

**pixie lover:** yeah bitch ill fight you

**pixie lover:** that jellyass is no challenge

**Squidward:** i could snipe your gm ass from fifty feet away

**pixie lover:** before the rubber arm douchebag maybe

**motherfuckin manchild:** is he like the wacky inflatable arm thing

**babydoll:** oh god

**Squidward:** i take back my airlock statement

**babydoll: **you cant you promised

**Squidward:** before you laughed

**babydoll:** i take back my laugh

**Squidward:** hmmm

**babydoll:** please dont airlock die on me

**Boulderfield:** you shoulda said that so long ago sherry

**Squidward:** you asked nicely so okay

**babydoll:** thank you

**bootylushious:** huh i feel like my battle was too short lived

**pixie lover:** fatass

**bootylushious:** there we go thank you

**Boulderfield:** why dont you grow your hair out baldy

**bootylushious:** well okay never mind

**pixie lover:** fuck you i like it short

**Carla Radames:** as does sherry

**pixie lover:** yeah

**pixie lover:** i mean

**pixie lover:** fuckin goddammit woman

**Carla Radames:** ;)

**babydoll:** i do like it

**babydoll:** wonder how youd look with other styles though

**pixie lover:** what kinda styles

**babydoll:** like if you grew it out

**babydoll:** long sorta

**pixie lover:** wait thats the opposite of what i have now

**babydoll:** but im curious jakey jake

**pixie lover:** fine

**Boulderfield:** yeah grow it out and look more like your dad

**pixie lover:** you piece of shit

**Squidward:** chris no thats just broadcasting the crazy

**Boulderfield:** true he doesnt need it

**bootylushious:** too much context

**motherfuckin manchild:** afro

**babydoll:** oh my god yes

**pixie lover:** no

**babydoll:** pleeeeeeeeeease sweetie

**pixie lover:** fuck no

**babydoll:** ill do stuff for you

**Carla Radames:** atta girl

**pixie lover:** fine ill think about it

**Carla Radames:** excellent

**bootylushious:** my god you are carla


	9. Bolt

babydoll: Sherry

pixie lover: Jake

Boulderfield: Chris

Squidward: Piers

Carla Radames: Ada

bootylushious: Helena

motherfuckin manchild: Leon

**motherfuckin manchild:** panda

**pixie lover:** the fuck you talkin about

**motherfuckin manchild:** we need a subject change

**motherfuckin manchild:** so changing subject

**motherfuckin manchild:** but also the panda

**Boulderfield: **what

**babydoll:** please explain leon were all confused

**Carla Radames:** very

**Squidward:** wait you mean the one in china

**Squidward:** the kiddie ride

**motherfuckin manchild:** yeah that one

**Boulderfield:** oh

**pixie lover:** how the fuck you figure that out

**Squidward:** whale magic

**motherfuckin manchild: **whale magic

**motherfuckin manchild:** you know i speak whale

**bootylushious:** knock it off quoting finding nemo

**babydoll:** oh my god thats such a good film

**pixie lover:** the first fifty times maybe

**Squidward:** that ride i couldnt get chris off

**Boulderfield:** shut the fuck up

**Squidward:** oh right we agreed not to talk about it

**Boulderfield:** i hate you

**Carla Radames:** why do you bring up the panda leon

**motherfuckin manchild:** wanna know if anyone else rides it

**Squidward:** huh

**Squidward:** thought it was just us

**bootylushious:** nope unfortunately

**bootylushious:** you have no idea how hard it was to get him off the damn thing

**Carla Radames:** thats what she said

**pixie lover:** same with sherry

**babydoll:** hey its fun

**Boulderfield:** can see why you and leon are friends

**bootylushious:** they get along great and everyone suffers

**babydoll:** mean

**pixie lover:** everyone rode the stupid fuckin panda okay

**Carla Radames:** you ride it together boy

**babydoll: **we did

**motherfuckin manchild:** did you sing

**pixie lover:** no

**babydoll:** gasp

**babydoll:** we totally shouldve sung whole new world

**motherfuckin manchild:** yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas

**Boulderfield:** jesus christ

**Squidward:** are you two actually watching disney now

**babydoll:** no but i want to

**motherfuckin manchild:** i plan to

**babydoll:** invite meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

**bootylushious:** are you high

**bootylushious:** because ill go back to the bar

**Boulderfield:** you and me both

**Squidward:** alcohol is not the answer

**Carla Radames:** youre wrong

**Squidward:** and neither is disney

**Carla Radames:** youre wrong

**Squidward:** i give up

**Carla Radames:** wise

**babydoll:** what disney are you watching now

**motherfuckin manchild:** bolt

**Boulderfield:** oh yeah that looks and acts like piers

**Squidward:** fuck you

**pixie lover:** you stick your head out the car window

**babydoll:** oh he kinda does

**babydoll:** thats adorable

**pixie lover:** sherry what

**Carla Radames:** youre losing her boy

**Carla Radames:** get back on the rocking panda

**babydoll: **yessss

**pixie lover:** fuck no

**pixie lover:** thats not adorable sherry

**Boulderfield:** you already made it to the bar

**bootylushious:** yep

**Squidward:** helena no

**Carla Radames:** youre scared of getting a hard on

**Squidward:** i am not

**babydoll:** lets invite claire

**motherfuckin manchild:** yas

**Squidward:** sounds good

**Boulderfield:** get the fuck away from my sis

**Squidward:** what

**Boulderfield:** fuckin creep i say no

**Squidward:** i just said it sounded good

**Carla Radames:** watch him hes trying for a threesome

**Squidward:** i am not i swear

**bootylushious:** orgy sounds good right about now

**babydoll:** helena please get away from the bar

**bootylushious:** no i want the good stuff

**motherfuckin manchild:** come watch bolt

**motherfuckin manchild:** that counts as an orgy right

**Carla Radames:** you are so precious sometimes

**Boulderfield:** wait you wanna get fucked by him or not

**Carla Radames:** my heart is torn

**pixie lover:** oh just get it over with ada

**bootylushious:** distract him and get him away from the disney

**bootylushious:** do this for me and ill stay away from the bar

**Carla Radames:** how much

**bootylushious:** what

**Carla Radames:** how much to distract leon

**babydoll:** oh my god

**motherfuckin manchild:** whats happening to me

**Carla Radames:** its called manhood

**Squidward:** christmas is coming early

**Carla Radames:** and so are you

**Squidward:** sigh

**Boulderfield:** whatever the fuck you people are doing

**Boulderfield:** orgy and or disney

**Boulderfield:** you keep my sis outta it

**Squidward:** no promises

**Boulderfield:** FUCKIN


	10. Snow White

babydoll: Sherry

pixie lover: Jake

Boulderfield: Chris

Squidward: Piers

Carla Radames: Ada

bootylushious: Helena

motherfuckin manchild: Leon

**babydoll:** i made finger puppets

**Squidward:** is this for therapy

**babydoll:** mean

**Squidward:** im not being mean im genuinely curious

**babydoll:** oh okay

**babydoll:** its my desperate attempt to make you all get along

**Carla Radames:** only you and jake are capable of getting along

**Carla Radames:** if you know what i mean

**Boulderfield:** everybody knows

**Boulderfield:** everybody always knows

**motherfuckin manchild:** i dont

**Squidward:** is he finally self aware

**bootylushious:** yes

**bootylushious:** at least about this much

**motherfuckin manchild:** i am like skynet

**pixie lover:** good fuckin golly would you shut the fuck up

**Boulderfield:** good golly

**motherfuckin manchild:** miss molly

**Boulderfield:** the fuckety fuck

**Squidward:** helena can i call someone for your problem

**bootylushious:** no one can help me

**bootylushious: **you can stop all the viruses in the world but not leon

**bootylushious:** the power of leon is unstoppable

**motherfuckin manchild:** true

**Carla Radames:** karaoke

**babydoll:** we should have a karaoke night

**pixie lover:** no

**babydoll:** aw

**pixie lover:** now gimme the puppet of you

**babydoll:** why me

**Carla Radames:** for the snuggles

**pixie lover:** yeah okay

**pixie lover:** i admit im gonna snuggle the damn thing

**bootylushious:** about time

**babydoll:** mwah

**babydoll:** okay here

**babydoll:** <3

**pixie lover:** <3

**motherfuckin manchild:** its beautiful

**Carla Radames:** with beautiful children

**Boulderfield:** cause we need more gm babies

**Squidward:** keep an eye on your kid

**babydoll:** babies

**babydoll:** oh god jake isnt breathing now

**babydoll:** you assholes

**bootylushious:** jake have some drink

**bootylushious:** drink problems away

**motherfuckin manchild:** heimlich

**Carla Radames:** mouth to mouth

**Boulderfield:** mouth to ass

**Squidward:** theres no mouth jake is just a giant ass

**babydoll:** stop please all of you im worried about jake

**Carla Radames:** try mouth to mouth sweetie

**babydoll:** okay

**motherfuckin manchild:** you have a medic on the plane

**Boulderfield:** holy fuckin christ he had a moment of brilliance

**Squidward:** we should celebrate

**bootylushious:** with drink

**Squidward:** in this case yes

**Boulderfield:** you fuckin asshole tellin me not to drink and then she can and being a goddamn hypocrite

**Squidward:** oh explode your biceps somewhere else

**Carla Radames:** i would pay to see that

**Boulderfield:** you mean you spend your dollars on other stuff

**Boulderfield:** not just outfits

**Squidward:** food stamps

**Carla Radames:** i would not put it past my bosses to pay me in food stamps

**Boulderfield:** umbrella food stamps

**Squidward:** wasnt that what you used when you started the bsaa

**Boulderfield:** sounds about right

**Squidward:** you and jill didnt even seem to pay me in that

**Carla Radames:** did jill pay you in sexual favours

**Squidward:** er

**Boulderfield:** BONER

**Squidward:** shut up

**bootylushious:** is your boner blushing

**Squidward:** uggggh

**bootylushious:** that is a yes

**Boulderfield:** second

**pixie lover:** shit fuck i am back

**pixie lover:** the fuck i got saved by sherry and leons advice

**Carla Radames:** kiss of life

**babydoll:** ada please

** _Carla Radames_ ** _ changed **pixie lover** to **Snow White**_

**Snow White:** you piece of shit

**motherfuckin manchild:** are we the seven dwarves

**bootylushious:** stop with all the disney

**babydoll:** we dont have seven

**babydoll:** whos our seventh

**Squidward:** claire

**Boulderfield:** i will melt your face off with the planes engines

**Squidward:** okay then jill

**Boulderfield:** you want to make love to fire cause ill arrange that

**Carla Radames:** we need to dig up wesker

**motherfuckin manchild:** i feel like hes never dead

**bootylushious:** yes he is a ghost too

**motherfuckin manchild:** my goodness everyone is a ghost today

**Boulderfield:** the fuck you mean today

**Squidward:** temporary ghosts

**motherfuckin manchild:** yes

**Carla Radames:** we need to find the volcano

**Carla Radames:** bring back wesker as our seventh

**Snow White:** i fuckin hate livin why did you save me sherry

**babydoll:** so you can snuggle my finger puppet

**Snow White:** oh yeah

**Snow White:** gimme

**motherfuckin manchild:** so children

**babydoll:** fuck not again

**babydoll:** dammit leon

**motherfuckin manchild:** :>


	11. Leon Made A List

babydoll: Sherry

Snow White: Jake

Boulderfield: Chris

Squidward: Piers

Carla Radames: Ada

bootylushious: Helena

motherfuckin manchild: Leon

**Carla Radames:** is he breathing

**babydoll:** yeah

**Squidward:** unfortunately

**Snow White:** fuck you

**Boulderfield:** seriously

**Boulderfield:** i come back to this

**Carla Radames:** you knew itd be like this

**Boulderfield:** no

**Snow White:** denial

**Squidward: **youd know all about denial

**bootylushious:** i have a request

**babydoll:** thank god

**Carla Radames:** do tell

**bootylushious:** im not drunk anymore

**bootylushious:** i want a name change

**motherfuckin manchild:** but helena is a beautiful name

**Carla Radames:** she means this chat dear

**motherfuckin manchild:** oh

**Snow White:** you fuckin moron

**babydoll:** jake no mean

**Snow White:** sherry yes mean

**Squidward:** i hope shes squinting

**babydoll:** you bet i am

**babydoll: **jake stop you cant defeat my squint

**Boulderfield: **talkin bout a man who always looks ready to take a dump

**Snow White:** the fuck

**bootylushious:** getting off topic please

**motherfuckin manchild:** ill pick a name for you helena

**Squidward:** you sure thats a good idea

**Carla Radames:** nothing leon ever does is a good idea

**motherfuckin manchild:** true

**Squidward:** youre not supposed to agree

**motherfuckin manchild:** but its true

**Boulderfield:** most honest manchild in the world

**Squidward:** theres no reasoning with him

**Snow White:** you just figured that out

**Boulderfield:** hes slow

**Squidward:** fuck off

**bootylushious:** im curious

**Boulderfield:** number one cause of death

**babydoll:** im curious too

**Snow White:** we really givin him that power

**Carla Radames:** could be worse

**bootylushious:** if youre trying to put me off youre doing a shit job

**babydoll: **go for it leon

**motherfuckin manchild:** wait i need to think long and hard

**Carla Radames:** mmmmmm

**babydoll:** oh my god

**Boulderfield:** dammit woman that all you think about

**Carla Radames:** and more

**Squidward:** god

**motherfuckin manchild:** fish god

**Boulderfield:** poseidon

**bootylushious:** focus leon

**motherfuckin manchild:** kay

**babydoll:** how you doing leon

**motherfuckin manchild:** i made a list

**bootylushious:** let me see

**Snow White:** share

**Carla Radames:** yes please share

**bootylushious:** dont you fucking dare

**motherfuckin manchild:** um

**Boulderfield:** put this shit to a vote

**Squidward:** you comfortable doing that helena

**Snow White:** shes been drunk and come onto you

**Snow White:** so this is nothin

**Carla Radames:** his logic is sound

**bootylushious:** oh fine fuck it whatever

**motherfuckin manchild:** i can share

**bootylushious:** yes you can share

**Snow White:** get the fuck on with it

**babydoll:** jake

**Snow White:** what

**babydoll:** be nice

**Carla Radames:** show us your hard work leon

**motherfuckin manchild:** :> kay

**Boulderfield:** how many names you got

**motherfuckin manchild:** 6

**motherfuckin manchild:** 6 is a good number isnt it

**Carla Radames:** especially with the number 9

**babydoll:** oh my god stop with the corruption

**Boulderfield:** enough carla

**Carla Radames:** is carla a step up from bitch

**Snow White:** step down

**Carla Radames:** you wound me christopher

**Boulderfield:** fuck no its chris

**Squidward:** christopher

**Boulderfield:** fuckin stop this shit

**bootylushious:** SHOW ME THE LIST

**motherfuckin manchild:** you like it

**babydoll:** share please

**bootylushious:** okay put them out of their misery

**motherfuckin manchild:** like this

**bootylushious:** my god not literally

**bootylushious:** put the damn gun away

**babydoll:** the list leon

**Carla Radames:** disappointed

**Squidward:** enough with the murder ada

**Carla Radames:** isnt murder if it looks like an accident

**Snow White:** you learn that at umbrella

**Squidward:** no same place as your assassinating ass

**babydoll: **FOCUS

**bootylushious:** thanks sherry

**babydoll:** no prob

**motherfuckin manchild:** so i got

**motherfuckin manchild:** hellypoo hell eeeeeena brownie

**Boulderfield:** fuckin what even

**bootylushious:** wait read the others leon

**Squidward:** no dont

**bootylushious:** i have nothing to lose

**motherfuckin manchild:** i also got spongey and spongebobfan

**Snow White: **change it to fatass

**bootylushious: **no leon don’t

**Squidward:**too late

** _motherfuckin manchild _ ** _changed _ ** _bootylushious _ ** _to _ ** _fatass_ **


	12. Tests

babydoll: Sherry

Snow White: Jake

Boulderfield: Chris

Squidward: Piers

Carla Radames: Ada

fatass: Helena

motherfuckin manchild: Leon

**Squidward:** leon you mentioned tests

**motherfuckin manchild:** yes

**Boulderfield:** my fuckin god

**Snow White:** really

**Snow White:** we need to hear this shit

**Squidward:** im curious okay

**Boulderfield:** you nerdish squid bastard

**fatass:** im curious too

**babydoll:** you mean he never told you

**fatass:** no

**Carla Radames:** storytime seems a bit pointless

**Squidward:** how

**Carla Radames:** he took tests he failed

**Carla Radames:** end of story

**Snow White:** fuckin right

**Snow White:** can we move on

**Squidward:** but details

**motherfuckin manchild:** yes details

**Carla Radames:** we could talk more of your love story

**babydoll:** ada

**Carla Radames:** thats my name dont wear it out

**motherfuckin manchild:** thought you were carla

**fatass:** leon try to remember

**fatass:** you remember the little voice

**motherfuckin manchild:** yeah

**Squidward:** whats it saying

**Boulderfield:** could take a while

**Snow White:** true

**motherfuckin manchild:** carla is ada

**babydoll:** leon try again youre almost there

**motherfuckin manchild:** ada is ada

**babydoll:** and

**motherfuckin manchild:** WAIT

**motherfuckin manchild:** carla is nickname

**Boulderfield:** tada

**fatass:** well done leon

**motherfuckin manchild:** do i get a cookie

**fatass:** raid the mini fridge for cookies

**motherfuckin manchild:** yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

**babydoll:** hes never sounded happier

**Carla Radames:** easily pleased

**Squidward:** we ever going to get to the story

**fatass:** give him five

**fatass:** hes earned it

**Squidward:** fair enough

**Boulderfield:** who sent leon to tests by the way

**fatass:** hell tell us

**babydoll:** be patient

**Boulderfield:** why

**babydoll:** cause i said so

**Snow White:** kick

**babydoll:** no

**Snow White:** for me

**babydoll:** dammit jake no

**Carla Radames:** prove your love with kicking

**Snow White:** cant believe im sayin this but what she said

**motherfuckin manchild:** im back

**babydoll:** welcome back

**motherfuckin manchild:** thaaaanks

**Boulderfield:** you better not kick me now

**Boulderfield:** need to hear this

** _Snow White_ ** _ kicked **Boulderfield** from the group_

** _babydoll_ ** _ added **Boulderfield** to the group_

**Boulderfield:** fucker

**babydoll:** dont push it

**Snow White:** ooh im so scared

** _babydoll _ ** _kicked **Snow White** from the group_

**Carla Radames:** harsh

**Carla Radames:** i approve

**fatass:** wait add him back

**Squidward:** why

**fatass:** drive him crazy

**babydoll:** youre right

** _babydoll_ ** _ added **Snow White** to the group_

**Snow White:** mean

**babydoll:** you were being mean

**Snow White:** no

**babydoll:** you were

**Snow White:** nope

**Carla Radames:** more denial boy

**Snow White:** no

**fatass:** just stop

**Squidward:** leon tell the story

**Squidward:** tell us what the test was for

**motherfuckin manchild:** my test was for rpd

**motherfuckin manchild:** coordination

**fatass:** you mean like puzzles

**motherfuckin manchild:** yeh

**Snow White:** you put square in the star hole

**motherfuckin manchild:** no triangle

**motherfuckin manchild:** realised mistake too late

**Boulderfield:** they still let you in

**motherfuckin manchild:** zombies made them short of staff

**Squidward:** staff

**Carla Radames:** accurate

**babydoll:** everything there is accurate

**fatass:** can claire confirm

**Squidward:** lets ask

**Boulderfield:** dont you fuckin dare

**Carla Radames:** your hand is in your pants

**Squidward:** no

**Snow White:** helenas pants

**fatass:** excuuuuuuuuse me

**Snow White:** excused

**motherfuckin manchild:** :<

**Squidward:** continue story

**Carla Radames:** yes continue this epic

**motherfuckin manchild:** triangle jammed

**Carla Radames:** where

**Boulderfield:** not where youre thinkin

**babydoll:** then what

**motherfuckin manchild:** so i shook and shook too hard

**motherfuckin manchild:** explode

**motherfuckin manchild:** everywhere in peoples faces and mugs

**Carla Radames:** mmmmmmmmmmmm

**Snow White:** god

**fatass:** they still took you

**motherfuckin manchild:** zombies

**Carla Radames:** can confirm i was there

**babydoll:** me too

**Squidward:** now just claire

**Boulderfield:** you fuckin stalker youre not allowed to use the phone ever again

**Carla Radames:** burner phone

**Squidward:** yes


	13. Octopus Jokes

babydoll: Sherry

Snow White: Jake

Boulderfield: Chris

Squidward: Piers

Carla Radames: Ada

fatass: Helena

motherfuckin manchild: Leon

**babydoll:** pick helly a decent name

**babydoll:** she deserves it

**fatass:** helly what even

**Squidward:** let me do it

**fatass:** sure

**fatass:** i mean you cant do worse

** _Squidward_ ** _ changed **fatass** to **Sea Sponge**_

**Sea Sponge:** er okay

**babydoll:** thats adorable

**Boulderfield:** somethins brewin over there

**Carla Radames:** can you stand up

**Squidward:** yes

**motherfuckin manchild:** yes to what

**Boulderfield:** shit he knows logic now

**Boulderfield:** hes learnin

**Snow White:** stop comin onto her jello

**Squidward:** fuck you i was doing something nice

**Squidward:** she was upset

**Snow White:** what by fatass

**Snow White:** i say so much shit and thats a nono

**babydoll:** apologise

**Carla Radames:** better do what she says

**Boulderfield:** yeah shell kick your ass to the moon

**Snow White:** fine

**Snow White:** sorry helena

**babydoll:** for

**Snow White:** for callin you fatass which you totally arent

**Sea Sponge:** thank you

**babydoll:** good

**Squidward:** crisis averted

**Squidward:** can we move on now

**Boulderfield:** you gonna kiss n make up

**Snow White:** kiss my ass

**Carla Radames:** thats called cheating

**babydoll:** true

**motherfuckin manchild:** now they match

**Carla Radames:** thats what you wanted right boy

**Squidward:** i dont even have words

**Boulderfield:** do we need more romance

**babydoll:** yes

**motherfuckin manchild:** more kids

**Snow White:** fuck off with that

**motherfuckin manchild:** jelly babies

**Sea Sponge:** okay hating this

**Squidward:** ugh now im sorry too

**Sea Sponge:** not your fault

**Carla Radames:** somebody else is going to lose their virginity tonight

**Snow White:** im gonna fuckin murder you

**babydoll:** no murdering the assassin

**babydoll:** we need her

**Boulderfield:** shes died so much already

**Carla Radames:** yes

**Sea Sponge:** never shoulda asked for help

**Sea Sponge:** lesson learned

**Sea Sponge:** new names cute though

**Squidward:** :>

**Boulderfield:** youre in there helena

**Boulderfield:** thats fourth base for him

**Squidward:** you piece of shit sometimes i swear

**Boulderfield:** swear to poseidon

**Sea Sponge:** stop with the poseidon jokes

**Squidward:** finally someone on my side

**Sea Sponge:** be more original

**Snow White:** ha you fuckin dumbass

**motherfuckin manchild:** octopus jokes

**Boulderfield:** oh hell yes

**Carla Radames:** can i start

**Snow White:** no youll make it weird

**Carla Radames:** aw

**babydoll:** i shouldnt wanna but this sounds like fun

**Boulderfield:** what do you call 2 octopi that look the same

**Boulderfield:** itenticle

**Snow White:** whyd the octopus beat the shark in a fight

**Snow White:** octopus was well armed

**babydoll:** what do you call the place where an octopus is sitting

**babydoll:** octopied

**Carla Radames:** why did the octopus blush

**Carla Radames:** he saw the bottom of the ocean

**Boulderfield:** knew youd make it weird

**Carla Radames:** yes

**Sea Sponge: **what do you call a pie made by an octopus

**Sea Sponge: **octopie

**Squidward:** not you too

**Sea Sponge:** fraid so

**motherfuckin manchild:** what do you call an octopus with a hat

**motherfuckin manchild:** octopus with a hat

**Snow White:** the fuck

**Squidward:** end me

**Snow White:** ill do it

**babydoll:** shut up

**Squidward:** no let him

**Squidward:** no more


	14. Redeath

babydoll: Sherry

Snow White: Jake

Boulderfield: Chris

Squidward: Piers

Carla Radames: Ada

Sea Sponge: Helena

motherfuckin manchild: Leon

**Sea Sponge:** rip piers

**Boulderfield:** again

**Squidward:** asshole

** _Snow White_ ** _ changed **Squidward** to **deadjellowalkin**_

**deadjellowalkin:** FUCK

**Sea Sponge:** rip jake

**Snow White:** squid bitch wanted death

**Snow White:** hes not fuckin dead

**Boulderfield:** ill kill him again

**deadjellowalkin:** kiss my jello ass boulder boy

**Sea Sponge:** boulder boy

**Snow White:** more like the thing

**motherfuckin manchild:** which ones human torch

**babydoll:** prob jake

**Sea Sponge:** true

**motherfuckin manchild:** what about the other two

**Carla Radames:** can i be invisible woman

**Sea Sponge:** no i took it

**Sea Sponge:** give anything to be invisible right now

**motherfuckin manchild:** you know octopus can go invisible

**babydoll:** thats camo not literally invisibility okay

**motherfuckin manchild:** ohhh

**motherfuckin manchild:** chris he ever vanished

**Boulderfield:** what who

**motherfuckin manchild:** piers

**deadjellowalkin:** dont tempt me

**Snow White:** just lemme kill your bitch ass already

**deadjellowalkin:** just my ass

**deadjellowalkin:** hes obsessed with my ass

**Carla Radames:** who isnt

**Sea Sponge:** gotta admit its pretty tight

**deadjellowalkin:** you girls scare me

**Snow White:** yeah youre wastin your time

**Snow White:** hes not into you

**deadjellowalkin:** why dont you jump into the airplane engines spawn of fucking satan

**deadjellowalkin: **i swear ill go on a murder spree

**motherfuckin manchild:** who you killing

**deadjellowalkin:** not you

**motherfuckin manchild:** phew

**Sea Sponge:** can you not kill anybody but jake

**Snow White:** fatass

**Sea Sponge:** nah jokes old

**Sea Sponge:** gimme a new name

**Snow White:** how bout bitch

**Boulderfield:** its taken

**Carla Radames:** mmhmm

**Snow White:** dammit

**deadjellowalking:** dumbfuck

**Snow White: **asshole you wanna redeath

**motherfuckin manchild:** redeath

**Sea Sponge:** what is that

**Boulderfield:** the hell

**babydoll:** nani

**Snow White:** no memes

**babydoll:** you dont tell me what to do

**Carla Radames:** thats her job

**babydoll:** yeah

**Snow White:** but

**babydoll:** nuh uh

**babydoll:** you get rid of that pout mister

**Boulderfield:** fuck he is whipped

**Carla Radames:** like cream

**babydoll:** NANI

**Snow White:** no nani

**babydoll:** god ive got so many images though

**Carla Radames:** im proud of you

**babydoll:** nooo im sat next to him

**babydoll:** i cant look at him now

**Snow White:** gee thanks

**motherfuckin manchild:** is this the reverse boner you mentioned

**Sea Sponge:** ohhhhkay who taught him this

**babydoll:** not me

**Boulderfield:** nope

**Snow White:** wasnt fuckin me

**deadjellowalkin:** not me either

**Sea Sponge:** shit ada some self control seriously

**Carla Radames:** overrated

**babydoll:** restraint please for me

**babydoll:** this is me begging

**Carla Radames: **dear you know i dont make promises

**Boulderfield:** cause youre a betrayal whore

**Carla Radames:** precisely

**Snow White:** general whore

**deadjellowalkin:** multi purpose

**Carla:** i am all

**motherfuckin manchild:** like god

**Sea Sponge:** shit dont say that to her

**Carla Radames:** hmm i like this

**Boulderfield:** fuck not again

**Boulderfield:** hard as shit killin last god wannabe

**deadjellowalkin:** into the volcano

**deadjellowalkin:** make it family tradition

**Snow White:** suck your own dick jello

**motherfuckin manchild:** what is dick jello

**Sea Sponge:** nggggghhhhhh

**babydoll:** okay seriously everybody

**babydoll:** why is this how every day starts

**Carla Radames:** yes

**Boulderfield:** thats not an answer

**Carla Radames:** you have to squint

**Boulderfield:** i accept your logic

**Carla Radames:** at last

**Snow White:** fuck it

**Snow White:** into the volcano with pa


	15. Nerdville

babydoll: Sherry

Snow White: Jake

Boulderfield: Chris

deadjellowalkin: Piers

Carla Radames: Ada

Sea Sponge: Helena

motherfuckin manchild: Leon

**motherfuckin manchild:** jake how old are you

**Snow White:** why

**motherfuckin manchild:** curious

**Snow White:** not sayin

**babydoll:** hes younger than me

**Boulderfield:** wait you got a toy boy

**Sea Sponge:** shell be a cougar soon enough

**Carla Radames:** sherry i have newfound respect for you

**Boulderfield:** you fuckin would

**deadjellowalkin:** cant even

**Snow White:** fuck sherry

**Sea Sponge:** i totally read that wrong

**babydoll:** oh my god

**Snow White:** shut the fuck up

**Carla Radames:** mwahaha

**motherfuckin manchild:** can i be a toy boy

**Carla Radames:** yes

**Sea Sponge:** no youre too delicate

**deadjellowalkin:** keep him pure

**Carla Radames:** i like the pure ones

**Boulderfield:** keep him a good boy

**motherfuckin manchild:** am i a good boy

**babydoll:** best boy

**motherfuckin manchild:** yay

**Snow White:** howd this even happen

**deadjellowalkin:** you answer leons questions is how

**deadjellowalkin:** dumbass

**Snow White:** no i fuckin didnt

**Sea Sponge:** to be fair you asked why

**Boulderfield:** all he needs is an openin

**Carla Radames:** ;)

**babydoll:** seriously ada

**babydoll:** ive been tomato all day cause of you

**motherfuckin manchild:** did you know tomatoes are a fruit

**Boulderfield:** christ

**Sea Sponge:** at least its sensible

**deadjellowalkin:** sensible

**Snow White:** you smokin the good stuff

**Sea Sponge:** i wish

**babydoll:** leon what else is a fruit

**Boulderfield:** sherry

**Boulderfield:** the hell you tryin to do to us

**babydoll:** but i wanna know

**Snow White:** fuckin nerd

**babydoll:** so what if i am

**deadjellowalkin:** you tell him

**Snow White:** fuck off to octopus hell

**babydoll:** leon please about the fruit

**Snow White:** fruit nerd

**Carla Radames:** sounds more like a piers thing

**deadjellowalkin:** hilarious

**motherfuckin manchild:** cucumbers a fruit too

**Sea Sponge:** it is not

**deadjellowalkin:** actually it is

**Sea Sponge:** youre telling me something that looks like dick is a fruit

**Carla Radames:** good fact

**Boulderfield:** you would say that

**Sea Sponge:** fruits are round

**deadjellowalkin:** helena sometimes i dont understand you

**Snow White:** wow i actually agree

**deadjellowalkin:** geefuckingwhizz lets start a club

**Boulderfield:** can i join

**Sea Sponge:** asshole

**Boulderfield:** cant help my condition

**deadjellowalkin:** what of being all ass and hole

**Snow White:** im agreein with you again

**Snow White:** i dont fuckin like it its weird

**Sea Sponge:** backwards land

**Boulderfield:** i get the feeling you just called me fatass

**deadjellowalkin:** its both metaphorical and literal

**Sea Sponge:** college boy

**Carla Radames:** my best boy

**Carla Radames:** tell me what else is a fruit

**babydoll:** yesss more facts

**motherfuckin manchild:** you mean it

**Carla Radames:** mmm

**motherfuckin manchild:** that im your best boy

**Carla Radames:** mmhmm

**motherfuckin manchild:** yay

**babydoll: **faaaacts

**Snow White:** calm your tits supernerd

** _Sea Sponge_ ** _ changed **babydoll** to **Supernerd**_

**Snow White:** fuck you dont change the name i gave her

**Sea Sponge:** possessive

**Supernerd:** im wearing my nerd with pride

**Boulderfield:** nerd pride

**Supernerd:** but yeah please jakey jake give me a good name again

**Snow White:** ughhhh okay

**Boulderfield:** like you need to be forced

**Snow White:** shut up

**deadjellowalkin:** are we going to learn more fruits or not

**Carla Radames:** only the dick ones

**deadjellowalkin:** no

**motherfuckin manchild:** avocado is a fruit

**motherfuckin manchild:** marrows a fruit too

**Snow White:** whats an avocado

**deadjellowalkin:** what the assassins guild didnt teach you that between making snow angels and killing innocents in edonia

**Supernerd:** god piers what

**deadjellowalkin:** what

**Sea Sponge:** heck of a list of assassin things you can fit between snow angels and killing innocents

**Boulderfield:** babysitting leon and disney singalongs for example

**Sea Sponge:** okay dont even joke about that

**motherfuckin manchild:** singalongs

**Sea Sponge:** here we go

**Boulderfield:** ignore him and itll go away

**Sea Sponge:** leon does not work that way

**Supernerd:** true

**motherfuckin manchild:** singalong

**Supernerd:** later leon

**motherfuckin manchild:** okay

**Snow White:** you all suck

**Snow White:** i dont carry a fuckin pocket fruit book everywhere okay

**Supernerd:** but youve seriously never had an avocado

**Snow White:** no

**Supernerd:** ill give you one

**Carla Radames:** thats more like it

**Supernerd:** godammit ada

**Boulderfield:** hey you picked sherrys new name yet

**Snow White:** shit i got distracted

**Snow White:** fuckin leon

**Sea Sponge:** read that wrong

**Carla Radames:** thats my girl

**Boulderfield: **this is nerdville

** _Supernerd_ ** _ changed the group **Fronds** to **Nerdville**_

**Supernerd:** hell yeah


	16. Jake Knows Please

Supernerd: Sherry

Snow White: Jake

Boulderfield: Chris

deadjellowalkin: Piers

Carla Radames: Ada

Sea Sponge: Helena

motherfuckin manchild: Leon

**Snow White:** okay so

**Snow White:** i got a name now

**Boulderfield:** now youre no longer distracted by dick fruit

**Sea Sponge:** im never living dick fruit down

**Carla Radames:** never

**motherfuckin manchild:** never

**Sea Sponge:** leon i swear to god dont make me confiscate your pudding cup

**motherfuckin manchild:** noooooooo

**Sea Sponge:** then be a good boy

**Carla Radames:** best boy

**motherfuckin manchild:** i be good

**Boulderfield:** shit woman you told him

**Supernerd:** so whats my new name jakey jake jake jake

**Boulderfield:** too much jake

**deadjellowalkin:** one is one too many

**Sea Sponge:** piers you can be an ass sometimes

**deadjellowalkin:** yeah i know

**motherfuckin manchild:** if you know then why do you do it

**Boulderfield:** he had a moment again

**Carla Radames:** break out the champagne

**Sea Sponge:** dont give any to leon

**Sea Sponge:** ever

**deadjellowalkin:** im curious

**Boulderfield:** yeah lets do it

**Carla Radames:** you are both wise

**Sea Sponge:** when i say never i mean never

**Boulderfield:** killjoy

**Snow White:** okay here goes sherry

** _Snow White_ ** _ changed **Supernerd** to **sweetiepie**_

**Sea Sponge:** awwww

**sweetiepie:** thats too cute

**Boulderfield:** tweetiepies more like it

**motherfuckin manchild:** is jake sylvester

**deadjellowalkin:** a stupid cat

**deadjellowalkin:** sounds about right

**motherfuckin manchild:** whos porky pig

**Snow White:** helena

**Sea Sponge:** wow a compliment

**deadjellowalkin:** weve been reduced to looney tunes

**Boulderfield:** not the worst thing in the world

**deadjellowalkin:** true

**sweetiepie:** stop please

**sweetiepie:** you know im a disney girl at heart

**sweetiepie:** dont make me a traitor

**motherfuckin manchild:** disney forever <3

**sweetiepie:** yessss <3

**Sea Sponge:** you doing this on purpose

**sweetiepie:** oops sorry helena

**Snow White:** i kinda want a name change

**Carla Radames:** say no dear

**sweetiepie:** hmm

**Sea Sponge:** youll always be our snow white

**Snow White:** fuck off fatass

**Snow White:** sherry please

**Boulderfield:** you know please

**deadjellowalkin:** full of surprises

**Carla Radames:** im shocked

**sweetiepie:** i am too

**Snow White:** i swear sometimes

**motherfuckin manchild:** its cause you love her

**Carla Radames:** love her long time

**sweetiepie:** i ask again stop

**Snow White:** im changing this fuckin convo

**Sea Sponge:** you can try

**Boulderfield:** cant stop hurricane leon

**motherfuckin manchild:** can i be a hurricane

**deadjellowalkin:** you mean hurricane singalong

**motherfuckin manchild:** gasp

**Sea Sponge:** i hate you all

**Sea Sponge:** hes bouncing in his seat now

**Sea Sponge:** im getting shockwaves

**Carla Radames:** tell me more

**Snow White:** let me fuckin change the subject god fucking damn it

**Boulderfield:** nah

**sweetiepie:** dont pout

**sweetiepie:** you dont look cute

**Snow White:** fine

**Snow White:** so how bout it sherry

**sweetiepie:** what

**Snow White:** name change

**sweetiepie:** nope

**Snow White:** please

**Boulderfield:** shit man he said it again

**deadjellowalkin:** sherrys rubbing off on him

**Carla Radames:** you bet she is

**Sea Sponge:** like a kitty cat

**sweetiepie:** you know youre our snow white

**sweetiepie:** it stays

**Snow White:** i fuckin hate disney

**sweetiepie:** jake youre such a liar

**motherfuckin manchild:** jake no

**Sea Sponge:** its okay leon jakes just lying

**motherfuckin manchild:** good

**Carla Radames:** he condones lying

**Carla Radames:** our boy is growing up

**Sea Sponge:** its just an illusion

**Boulderfield:** sherry ground jake

**deadjellowalkin:** on a plane

**Boulderfield:** yeah

**deadjellowalkin:** im taking your jd

**Boulderfield:** no its making me happy

**Sea Sponge:** that too is an illusion

**sweetiepie:** i could confine him to his room

**Snow White:** please no

**deadjellowalkin:** sherry did you teach him please

**deadjellowalkin:** cause i think hes overdoing it

**Sea Sponge:** jake swear to get things back to normal

**Snow White:** fuck you

**Sea Sponge:** thats better


	17. Why?

sweetiepie: Sherry

Snow White: Jake

Boulderfield: Chris

deadjellowalkin: Piers

Carla Radames: Ada

Sea Sponge: Helena

motherfuckin manchild: Leon

**Snow White:** chris i gotta ask

**Boulderfield:** what

**Snow White:** bout my dad

**Boulderfield:** seriously you wanna go there

**Snow White:** yeah

**sweetiepie:** you sure thats a good idea

**Sea Sponge:** when sherry disagrees dont do it

**Carla Radames:** do it

**Boulderfield:** which moral compass do i follow

**Sea Sponge:** dont start talking like leon

**Snow White:** yeah like we fuckin need two

**Carla Radames:** mmmm double

**deadjellowalkin:** you have weird tastes

**sweetiepie:** yes

**deadjellowalkin:** you too

**sweetiepie:** yes

**Snow White:** hey

**motherfuckinmanchild:** am i a clone

**deadjellowalkin:** defect maybe

**motherfuckinmanchild:** who is my creator

**Boulderfield:** fuckin wesker probably

**Sea Sponge:** im almost sad i never met him

**Carla Radames:** dont be

**Carla Radames:** he owes me money

**Boulderfield:** same here

**sweetiepie:** me too

**Snow White:** the fuck

**Snow White:** why you all lend him money

**deadjellowalkin:** you wanted to know more about your dad

**Carla Radames:** prepare to be educated

**Sea Sponge:** finally

**Snow White:** suck it

**Carla Radames:** if sherry wasnt already i would

**deadjellowalkin:** words

**sweetiepie:** words arent a thing

**Snow White:** i cant shittin breathe

**motherfuckin manchild:** why not

**Boulderfield:** god you even read

**deadjellowalkin:** assuming he can

**Boulderfield:** yeah my bad

**sweetiepie:** jake im mad at you

**Snow White:** fuck why me

**sweetiepie:** i told you about wesker

**Snow White:** and i didnt listen so now im askin boulder boy

**sweetiepie:** i am hurt

**Snow White:** not apologisin for being distracted by your ass

**Snow White:** though right now im so distracted by somethin else

**Carla Radames:** you hoisting a flag dearie

**motherfuckin manchild:** what kinda flag

**Boulderfield:** quiet leon

**Sea Sponge:** hey thats my line

**Carla Radames:** prepare to be cornered

**sweetiepie:** no not now im busy

**sweetiepie:** bad timing

**Boulderfield:** she wants it later

**deadjellowalkin:** why are we talking about this

**Snow White:** please

**Boulderfield:** ho shit he said it again

**deadjellowalkin:** toilet trained

**Snow White:** just tell me bout pa

**Boulderfield:** well he was evil

**sweetiepie:** and blonde

**motherfuckin manchild:** like me im blonde

**Sea Sponge:** starting to wonder if thats a coincidence

**Carla Radames:** all blondes are evil

**deadjellowalkin:** you would say that

**Carla Radames:** yes

**motherfuckin manchild:** not evil

**Sea Sponge:** in a different way leon

**Boulderfield:** wesker could dodge bullets

**Snow White:** how the fuck

**Carla Radames:** t virus

**motherfuckin manchild:** magic

**Snow White:** which fuckin one was it

**Sea Sponge:** both

**Boulderfield:** wesker had all the puns too

**deadjellowalkin:** dad puns

**Snow White:** shit in fuck why

**Boulderfield:** he kicks me through a door

**Boulderfield:** says your future HINGES upon this fight

**motherfuckin manchild:** i dont get it

**Snow White:** i fuckin hate this

**Sea Sponge:** god did he do poetry too

**deadjellowalkin:** umbrella poetry corner

**Boulderfield:** feels like stars needed that

**sweetiepie:** dear lord it did not

**motherfuckin manchild:** rpd

**Sea Sponge:** none of the above

**deadjellowalkin:** feels like a claire thing

**Boulderfield:** im warnin you

**Carla Radames:** wesker master of puns

**motherfuckin manchild:** punlord

** _sweetiepie _ ** _changed **Snow White** to **Son of Punlord**_

**Son of Punlord:** the fuckin fuck

**deadjellowalkin:** you got your name change

**Son of Punlord:** sherry

**sweetiepie:** makes you sound like a knight <3

**deadjellowalkin:** er what

**motherfuckin manchild:** prince charming

**sweetiepie:** aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**Sea Sponge:** whoa

**Boulderfield:** did she just explode

**Carla Radames:** ;)

**sweetiepie:** ;)

**Son of Punlord:** legit scared


	18. Big Boy

sweetiepie: Sherry

Son of Punlord: Jake

Boulderfield: Chris

deadjellowalkin: Piers

Carla Radames: Ada

Sea Sponge: Helena

motherfuckin manchild: Leon

**motherfuckin manchild:** on second thought

**Boulderfield:** you mean you had a first

**Sea Sponge:** its a miracle

**motherfuckin manchild:** shouldve been punking not punlord

**sweetiepie:** that sounds like pumpkin

**sweetiepie:** thats your pet name now

**Son of Punlord:** no offence but fuck off

**deadjellowalkin:** how does that make it not offensive

**Son of Punlord:** i said no offence is how

**Boulderfield:** cant deny logic

**sweetiepie:** pumpkin it is

**Son of Punlord:** but

**sweetiepie:** its final

**Son of Punlord:** goddamnit

**motherfuckin manchild:** pumpkin is a fruit

**Boulderfield:** not this shit again

**Carla Radames:** is it round

**motherfuckin manchild:** yes

**Sea Sponge: **stop

**sweetiepie:** i wanna talk about guns

**Boulderfield:** damn whered that come from

**sweetiepie:** piers

**deadjellowalkin:** well okay

**sweetiepie:** you know your giant rifle

**Carla Radames:** i like where this is going

**Boulderfield:** youre very alone

**motherfuckin manchild:** forever alone

**deadjellowalkin:** you mean the anti materiel one

**sweetiepie:** yeah

**deadjellowalkin:** what about it

**sweetiepie:** what is anti materiel anyway

**sweetiepie:** what does it mean

**deadjellowalkin:** its meant for anti vehicle and armour piercing kinda stuff

**motherfuckin manchild:** like decepticons

**Boulderfield:** hes off

**Carla Radames:** definitely

**Son of Punlord:** how many fuckin bulletproof zombies you meet

**Sea Sponge:** have you even seen the c virus

**Son of Punlord:** theyre not bulletproof

**Sea Sponge:** couldve fooled me

**Boulderfield:** fireproof

**motherfuckin manchild:** good for marshmallows

**Sea Sponge:** end me

**deadjellowalkin:** what is this a buffet

**deadjellowalkin:** all the food talk

**Son of Punlord:** try big boy

**Carla Radames:** as in the food chain

**Son of Punlord:** no the giant i had to punch

**Boulderfield:** you punched a giant

**sweetiepie:** big boy isnt specific

**Son of Punlord:** you want details

**deadjellowalkin:** a shit picture also

**Son of Punlord:** fuck you i draw good

**sweetiepie:** lemme see

**Son of Punlord:** you want pic i give you pic

**motherfuckin manchild:** big boy

**Sea Sponge:** basically simmons

**Carla Radames:** accurate

**motherfuckin manchild:** i liked the dinosaur

**Son of Punlord:** christ

**Boulderfield:** which bit is simmons

**Sea Sponge:** big boy

**Boulderfield:** oh right

**motherfuckin manchild:** please stop saying

**motherfuckin manchild:** im hungry

**deadjellowalkin:** bottomless stomach

**Boulderfield:** you got somethin in common

**sweetiepie:** carrying that rifle im not surprised

**Sea Sponge:** also the jello stuff

**deadjellowalkin:** i run a lot

**motherfuckin manchild:** like a greyhound

**Boulderfield:** need to stick you in a race

**deadjellowalkin:** youre all crazy

**sweetiepie:** so what does the rifle fire

**sweetiepie:** what calibre

**Son of Punlord:** what is with you and guns now

**Sea Sponge:** sherry youd never be able to carry it

**Boulderfield:** specially since its the same size as you

**sweetiepie:** so mean

**sweetiepie:** im just curious okay

**motherfuckin manchild:** youre like greyhound too

**Son of Punlord:** what

**Sea Sponge:** 50c on sherry

**deadjellowalkin:** gee thanks

**Sea Sponge:** you ever seen her sprint

**Boulderfield:** $10 on piers trippin over his own balls

**Son of Punlord:** same

**motherfuckin manchild:** add jake

**Carla Radames:** no dear that would be cheating

**Sea Sponge:** yeah hes like a greased weasel

**deadjellowalkin:** are you drunk again

**Sea Sponge:** dont tempt me

**Carla Radames:** bet you say that a lot

**sweetiepie:** ada you ever stop

**Carla Radames:** no and thats my best quality

**Son of Punlord:** that your speed datin tagline

**motherfuckin manchild:** is that how you met wesker

**Boulderfield:** what a fuckin umbrella speed datin site

**sweetiepie:** that sounds like a thing

**deadjellowalkin:** that how you were born jake

**Son of Punlord:** dont even joke bout that

**deadjellowalkin:** too late it’s a thing now

**Son of Punlord:** fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck yoooooooooooooooooooooooou


	19. National Security Barbie

sweetiepie: Sherry

Son of Punlord: Jake

Boulderfield: Chris

deadjellowalkin: Piers

Carla Radames: Ada

Sea Sponge: Helena

motherfuckin manchild: Leon

**sweetiepie:** is the pic done

**Boulderfield:** is it shit enough

**deadjellowalkin:** im guessing yes

**Son of Punlord:** fuck you im like picasso

**Sea Sponge:** picasso sucks

**Son of Punlord:** you suck

**Sea Sponge:** ooh burn

**motherfuckin manchild:** i like picasso

**Boulderfield:** cause it looks like a kid drawin

**Sea Sponge:** yep

**Carla Radames:** jake it might sell

**Carla Radames:** let me be your agent

**Son of Punlord:** hell no

**sweetiepie:** ada the art agent

**Boulderfield:** art world is unprepared

**Carla Radames:** you betcha

**Sea Sponge:** ada never use that word again

**Boulderfield:** second

**motherfuckin manchild:** when is pic

**deadjellowalkin:** what

**Son of Punlord:** its comin

**Carla Radames:** were still talking about the pic right

**sweetiepie:** ada

**Sea Sponge:** leave her man alone

**Carla Radames:** i never have any fun

**Boulderfield: **fuckin bescuse me

**motherfuckin manchild:** bescuse

**deadjellowalkin:** look what you did

**sweetiepie:** again

**Son of Punlord: **nobody learns lessons here

**Sea Sponge:** i hate you so much sometimes

**Boulderfield:** ada shut the hell up you get the most fun

**Carla Radames:** do not

**deadjellowalkin:** god what do her bad days even look like

**sweetiepie:** nobody has to find that out

**sweetiepie:** ever

**Boulderfield:** second

**motherfuckin manchild:** always good days ada

**motherfuckin manchild:** positive mental attitude

**Carla Radames:** thank you darling

**Son of Punlord:** hes a fuckin idiot savant

** _Son of Punlord_ ** _ changed **motherfuckin manchild** to **idiot savant**_

**idiot savant:** do i like this more

**Sea Sponge:** i mean its more accurate so yes

**Boulderfield:** like manchild isnt

**Sea Sponge:** i said more accurate you deaf boulder bastard

**idiot savant:** chris mad now

**Carla Radames:** hes always mad leon

**Carla Radames:** its the cravings

**deadjellowalkin:** hes rubbing off on you

**sweetiepie:** hes rubbing off on everyone

**Sea Sponge:** its like you wanna punch his face but you cant because its so beautiful and pure

**Sea Sponge:** its a need you cant fulfil

**Boulderfield:** shit no wonder you cut a deal with simmons

**sweetiepie:** oh low blow

**idiot savant:** it was done for love

**Son of Punlord:** you got fuckin rainbows and unicorns round you

**sweetiepie:** thatd be so cool

**Boulderfield:** jake you basically love a barbie doll

**deadjellowalkin:** national security barbie

**sweetiepie:** would you stop already

**Carla Radames:** jake draw that

**Son of Punlord:** im halfway through a pic

**Son of Punlord:** next pic i swear

**sweetiepie:** dont you fucking dare

**Son of Punlord:** i dare

**Carla Radames:** jake i told you already this isnt the way to get laid

**Carla Radames:** you must be whipped

**deadjellowalkin:** follow your own advice

**Carla Radames:** who says i dont

**deadjellowalkin:** too much

**sweetiepie:** jake what is that pic anyway

**Son of Punlord:** just wait

**idiot savant:** do we get three guesses

**Boulderfield:** im guessin portrait

**deadjellowalkin:** so its a turd basically

**sweetiepie:** harsh

**deadjellowalkin:** but fair

**Son of Punlord:** fuck all you nonbelievers

**idiot savant:** paint messiah

**Sea Sponge:** leon

**idiot savant:** yeah

**Sea Sponge:** simon says shut the fuck up

**idiot savant:** kay

**Boulderfield:** that shit works

**Sea Sponge:** you got to use simon says

**Carla Radames:** my god he has a code

**Carla Radames:** we can break it

**Sea Sponge:** yep

**Sea Sponge:** i told him simon says hold your breath and he did it

**Sea Sponge:** left him like that until he passed out

**sweetiepie:** oh my god no

**Sea Sponge:** he was fine

**deadjellowalkin:** besides potential brain damage

**Sea Sponge:** i swear hes been smarter since

**sweetiepie:** does it work if anyone says simon says

**Sea Sponge:** sure

**sweetiepie:** leon simon says you can talk now

**idiot savant:** yay

**Son of Punlord:** simon says hold your breath

**sweetiepie:** jake no

**sweetiepie:** simon says dont listen to jake

**idiot savant:** kay

**Boulderfield:** he a fuckin robot

**Boulderfield:** bound by three laws

**Son of Punlord:** shit you sayin

**deadjellowalkin:** right you cant read

**Sea Sponge:** name this group idiot savants

**idiot savant:** am i leader

**idiot savant:** i was named first

**sweetiepie:** sorry no

**idiot savant:** aw

**Boulderfield:** so we got paint and idiot messiahs

**deadjellowalkin:** why is that two categories

**Son of Punlord:** okay pics done

**Boulderfield:** thank fuckin christ

**sweetiepie:** shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare

**Sea Sponge:** oh my fucking god what the hell is that

**Son of Punlord:** harsh jeez

**idiot savant:** i see legs

**Carla Radames:** all i see is much penis

**deadjellowalkin:** you would do so bad at a rorschach

**Son of Punlord:** a fuckin what

**Boulderfield:** dont ask youll get a history lesson

**deadjellowalkin:** its an ink blot test moron

**deadjellowalkin:** also shut up

**Boulderfield:** no

**Son of Punlord:** holy shit i learned somethin

**idiot savant:** educational

**sweetiepie:** wait

**sweetiepie:** you did draw me

**Sea Sponge:** flattering

**Son of Punlord:** er

**sweetiepie:** I LOVE IT SO MUCH MAKE IT A T SHIRT

**Carla Radames:** and then jake got lucky

**Son of Punlord:** i think i got reverse boner

**Son of Punlord:** never been so scared

**idiot savant:** is that why some people have tails

**Sea Sponge:** jake never draw again

**Son of Punlord:** agreed


	20. Claire Cometh

sweetiepie: Sherry

Son of Punlord: Jake

Boulderfield: Chris

deadjellowalkin: Piers

Carla Radames: Ada

Sea Sponge: Helena

idiot savant: Leon

**Boulderfield:** okay cause she wont stop askin

**deadjellowalkin:** claire

**Boulderfield:** dont you dare

**deadjellowalkin:** wouldnt dream of it

** _sweetiepie_ ** _ added **Claire** to the group_

**idiot savant:** claire hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

**Claire:** hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

**deadjellowalkin:** you look lovely today

**Boulderfield:** i will shoot

**Claire:** um okay

**sweetiepie:** welcome to our club

**Carla Radames:** led by a ball of sunshine

**Son of Punlord:** me right

**Carla Radames:** if only

**Claire:** anybody who saves our ball o sunshine is okay in my book

**Son of Punlord:** approval my god

**Boulderfield:** dont say that hes a giant prick

**Claire:** youd know bro

**Carla Radames:** i like her

**idiot savant:** luv you claire

**Claire:** luv you too

**idiot savant:** yay

**deadjellowalkin:** can i also love you

**idiot savant:** who me

**Carla Radames:** oh my

**sweetiepie:** no leon piers means claire

**Carla Radames:** im a little disappointed

**Sea Sponge:** oh my god dont you start

**Boulderfield:** shit thats all we need

**Son of Punlord:** its creepy when the jello bastard does it

**Sea Sponge:** kinda is yeah

**Claire:** hmm

**deadjellowalkin:** okay one all of you shut the fuck up

**deadjellowalkin:** two i was talking to claire

**idiot savant:** wait isnt that just one

**Son of Punlord:** you can count that high

**Sea Sponge:** sadly yes

**Claire:** hmm

**Claire:** tough choice

**Boulderfield:** goddammit say no

**Carla Radames:** let the lady decide

**sweetiepie:** chris shhh

**sweetiepie:** no pressure claire

**Claire:** feeling the pressure

**Claire:** help me question mark

**deadjellowalkin:** can i help you

**Boulderfield:** okay im callin harassment

**Carla Radames:** im insulted

**Son of Punlord:** what else is new

**Carla Radames:** nothing

**Carla Radames:** but i feel like i get bragging rights on harassing people first

**Claire:** huh

**sweetiepie:** youve got a point ada

**idiot savant:** queen of harassment

**Carla Radames:** if that isnt the sweetest thing youve ever said to me

**idiot savant:** mwah

**Son of Punlord:** what the fuckin

**Sea Sponge:** what he said

**deadjellowalkin:** i third that

**Boulderfield:** me too

**Claire:** im so concerned yet enraptured by this love story going on

**Sea Sponge:** well dont cause its fucking weird

**Son of Punlord:** god yes

**idiot savant:** sherry and jakes love story is better

**Claire:** tell me more

**Boulderfield:** you need to stop readin romance novels

**Claire:** yeah im done borrowing them from you

**deadjellowalkin:** learn something new every day about you chris

**Boulderfield:** go fuck yourself

**deadjellowalkin:** cant reach

**Sea Sponge:** too much info

**Carla Radames:** not enough

**Claire:** but tell me how you met you two

**idiot savant:** yay more stories

**Sea Sponge:** dear lord

**Son of Punlord:** it involved money and guns and a virus

**Carla Radames:** it sounds so good out of context

**sweetiepie:** ada

**Claire:** context please

**Son of Punlord:** i refused to do stuff for sherry unless i got money

**Claire:** i said context please

**sweetiepie:** thats the abridged version

**sweetiepie:** i needed his blood for a cure and he wanted money

**Son of Punlord:** shit happened

**sweetiepie:** lots of shit happened

**idiot savant:** they saved the day

**Carla Radames:** then got hot and heavy on the plane

**Son of Punlord:** fuck me

**Sea Sponge:** that too

**sweetiepie:** ugh

**Claire:** thats awesome

**Claire:** im so happy for you two

**idiot savant:** your turn claire

**Claire:** what but i dont have a love story to tell

**deadjellowalkin:** yet

**Boulderfield:** god i wish i could fuckin drown you you jellyfish fuck

**deadjellowalkin:** ;)


	21. Meat

sweetiepie: Sherry

Son of Punlord: Jake

Boulderfield: Chris

deadjellowalkin: Piers

Carla Radames: Ada

Sea Sponge: Helena

idiot savant: Leon

**Boulderfield:** okay enough

**Boulderfield:** go away now claire

**Claire:** whatchu say bro

**Claire:** you cant tell me what to do

**Sea Sponge:** ho shit you go girl

**Boulderfield:** kick her sherry

**sweetiepie:** no

**Son of Punlord:** what she means is heeeell no

**Son of Punlord:** i aint passin up praise

**Son of Punlord:** praise me more

**deadjellowalkin:** me next

**idiot savant:** meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

**Claire:** damn im in high demand

**Carla Radames:** ill say

**Carla Radames:** regular boner party here

**Sea Sponge:** im almost jealous

**deadjellowalkin:** our boners will be all for you when she goes

**Boulderfield:** which is right now

**Sea Sponge:** something to look forward to

**Carla Radames:** excuse me

**Carla Radames:** where is my boner

**idiot savant:** i can give my boner to everybody

**Son of Punlord:** you wanna kick claire whos amazing and not kick that fuckin moron

**Boulderfield:** im all for both

**deadjellowalkin:** make it a triple

**Carla Radames:** me too

**sweetiepie:** oh my god claire im so sorry

**sweetiepie:** shouldve known itd be like this

**Claire:** no problem

**Claire:** years of chris made me immune

**deadjellowalkin:** so you mean

**deadjellowalkin:** one day ill be able to stand him

**Boulderfield:** you really need to die again

**Carla Radames:** chris dear you know hell always find a way to crawl back

**idiot savant:** there must be a way of permanent death

**Sea Sponge:** how does one permadeath a jellyboy

**idiot savant:** jelly bullets

**Sea Sponge:** and were back

**Son of Punlord:** we never fuckin left

**Claire:** leon youre so much worse than before

**idiot savant:** i know

**Claire:** but if youre aware

**Son of Punlord:** free advice

**Son of Punlord:** never fuckin go there

**sweetiepie:** were way past going there jakey

**sweetiepie:** we basically zoomed through raccoon city with him

**Claire:** and shot shit outta lots of zombies

**sweetiepie:** yessss

**Boulderfield:** is that what made him crazy

**Claire:** i think thats just hereditary or something

**idiot savant:** i should research

**Claire:** good idea

**deadjellowalkin:** please somebody

**deadjellowalkin:** get the roadrunner image out of my head

**Boulderfield:** what even

**Carla Radames:** okay but only cause you asked

**Carla Radames:** im sending you my pinup calendar

**Son of Punlord:** you mean pics of you or man pics

**Carla Radames:** pics of me

**Carla Radames:** foolish boy you know i only share man candy with my girls

**Sea Sponge:** dumbass

**Son of Punlord: **fuck off

**Carla Radames:** sherry you want some man candy

**sweetiepie:** yes

**Son of Punlord:** wait what the fuck

**sweetiepie:** only to mess with jake though

**Son of Punlord:** what the fuckin fuck

**sweetiepie:** also ada you able to put jakes head on each pic

**Son of Punlord:** okay thats kinda better i guess

**Claire:** lemme do it

**Claire:** im a tech wiz

**Boulderfield:** since when

**Claire:** since your meat hands got too fat for buttons

**Sea Sponge:** burn rock boy

**Boulderfield:** take a good look at my meaty middle finger

**idiot savant:** im hungry

**Sea Sponge:** every damn time

**sweetiepie:** cmon dont tease poor leon

**idiot savant:** can i have meat

**Carla Radames:** you already have meat

**idiot savant:** i do

**Sea Sponge:** yes but dont eat it

**Carla Radames:** leave that to the ladies

**idiot savant:** how will that help me

**Carla Radames:** trust in ada

**deadjellowalkin:** can i have mind bleach for that comment

**sweetiepie:** can i also have mind bleach

**Sea Sponge:** you hear that jake she only has eyes for your meat

**sweetiepie:** oh god why did you word it like that

**sweetiepie:** remember last time with the not breathing

**Son of Punlord:** i swear ill remember how to breathe

**Son of Punlord:** just hard right now

**Carla Radames:** hard meat or hard to breathe

**Son of Punlord:** help me

**Carla Radames:** sherry help him ;)

**sweetiepie:** im helping him but not like that

**Sea Sponge:** help him in all ways sherry

**sweetiepie:** goddamn you two youre making it worse

**Sea Sponge:** the hard meat or breathing

**Claire:** hmm might be a good idea to kick me after all

**Boulderfield:** finally


	22. Lego

sweetiepie: Sherry

Son of Punlord: Jake

Boulderfield: Chris

deadjellowalkin: Piers

Carla Radames: Ada

Sea Sponge: Helena

idiot savant: Leon

**sweetiepie:** crisis averted

**sweetiepie:** no thanks to you jerks

**Sea Sponge:** deja vu

**Claire:** sure hope im not a jerk

**sweetiepie:** no chance claire

**sweetiepie:** jerk never applies to you

**Claire:** thanks sherry

**Boulderfield:** go away

**Claire:** no

**Boulderfield:** please

**Claire:** double no

**idiot savant:** im not jerk :<

**sweetiepie:** youre not jerk leon

**idiot savant:** yay

**sweetiepie:** rest of you are jerks

**deadjellowalkin:** i feel unloved

**Boulderfield:** as usual

**deadjellowalkin:** hate to agree but yeah

**Son of Punlord:** i feel like i swallowed lego

**Sea Sponge:** sounds like a regular thing

**deadjellowalkin:** you heimlich him a lot sherry

**sweetiepie:** i wanna say no

**Carla Radames:** its more fun the other way

**Sea Sponge:** either ways fun i tell you

**Carla Radames:** mmm true

**Boulderfield:** you drunk again

**Sea Sponge:** is that an invitation

**Boulderfield:** only if i can drink too

**deadjellowalkin:** if youre on the wagon again then put me back in the water

**Claire:** me too

**Carla Radames:** enjoy your paddling pool you two ;)

**deadjellowalkin:** hmm

**Boulderfield:** fuckin no

**Boulderfield:** stop with that shit and puttin images in my head

**Sea Sponge:** oh so youre one of those

**Boulderfield:** shut the hell up

**Carla Radames:** piers do you have tape

**deadjellowalkin:** where are you going with this

**Carla Radames:** chair taping what else

**Carla Radames:** what did you think i meant

**deadjellowalkin:** with you i never know

**Carla Radames:** okay i deserve that one

**Boulderfield:** you deserve all of them

**idiot savant:** sourpuss

** _sweetiepie _ ** _changed **Boulderfield** to **Sourpuss**_

**Sourpuss:** why

**sweetiepie:** havent done it in a while

**Sourpuss:** how is that a reason

**deadjellowalkin:** because our fearless leader said so

**sweetiepie:** you got that right

**Sea Sponge:** all you need are stilts

**sweetiepie:** how dare you

**idiot savant:** she dare

**Sea Sponge:** i do

**Sourpuss:** fearless leader my ass

**Claire:** take that back shes awesome

**Sourpuss:** make me

**Claire:** i kicked your ass in fourth grade dont make me do it again

**Sourpuss:** in your dreams maybe

** _Son of Punlord_ ** _ changed **sweetiepie** to **fearless leader**_

**fearless leader:** aaaaaaah amazing love you so much

**Son of Punlord:** great

**Son of Punlord:** now thats done

**Son of Punlord:** why does nobody care about the chokin

**fearless leader:** we all care about your plight

**Son of Punlord:** that feels insincere

**fearless leader:** gasp how can you say that

**Son of Punlord:** not sure if youd turned to the dark side

**fearless leader:** i would never

**Carla Radames:** the poor boy is insecure

**deadjellowalkin:** he needs another compliment

**Claire:** hearing you loud and clear

**Claire:** compliments coming right up

**Son of Punlord:** do i want this

**idiot savant:** yes always

**Carla Radames:** listen to our savant

**Son of Punlord:** im scared

**Sea Sponge:** hug our fearless leader

**fearless leader:** cmon jake

**fearless leader:** hugs for sherry

**Son of Punlord:** okay

**Claire:** you still needing those compliments

**Son of Punlord:** sure why not

**Sourpuss:** if he gets compliments can i be in charge of insults

**deadjellowalkin:** thought you were already

**Sourpuss:** huh i guess i am

**Sourpuss:** never mind

**Claire:** jake youre the reason our fearless leader isnt burned to a crisp

**Claire:** for that youre always welcome into my house and im even willing to make you an honorary redfield

**Son of Punlord:** not sure what that means but thanks and youre welcome i think

**Sourpuss:** take back the honorary shit

**Claire:** nope my decision

**idiot savant:** wait jake would be part of the family if there was marriage

**Sea Sponge:** oh god first children now marriage

**Carla Radames:** i believe thats called a shotgun wedding

**fearless leader:** whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

**idiot savant:** dum dum da duuuuuuuuuum

**Carla Radames:** mwahahahaahaha

**Claire:** dammit

**Claire:** undoing all my hard work

**Sourpuss:** see how pointless it is

**Claire:** i do now

**Claire:** but im gonna persevere

**Sourpuss:** god damn you sis


	23. Pecsplode

fearless leader: Sherry

Son of Punlord: Jake

Sourpuss: Chris

deadjellowalkin: Piers

Carla Radames: Ada

Sea Sponge: Helena

idiot savant: Leon

**Claire:** by some miracle im still here

**Sourpuss:** fuck knows why

**Claire:** love you too bro

**Sea Sponge:** can you feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel the loooooooooove tonight

**Son of Punlord:** god dont start

**fearless leader:** gasp

**fearless leader:** jakey were watching lion king tonight

**idiot savant:** me too

**fearless leader:** hell yeah

**Son of Punlord:** ugh

**Son of Punlord:** fuck you fatass

**Sea Sponge:** <3

**fearless leader:** you wanna join lion king night claire

**Claire:** er

**idiot savant:** why are you hesitating

**deadjellowalkin:** do you have a date

**Sourpuss:** no she doesnt

**Claire:** sure why not

**Sourpuss:** dammit

**Sourpuss:** my life is a livin hell

**deadjellowalkin:** nice

**fearless leader:** wont be the same without you claire

**Claire:** sorry sherry

**Son of Punlord:** please can we just have us doin disney

**fearless leader:** whaaaa seriously

**Son of Punlord:** yeah

**fearless leader:** <3 love you so much

**Carla Radames:** good boy

**Son of Punlord:** shut up

**idiot savant:** but i want to disney

**Sea Sponge:** fine ill have a disney night with you leon

**Sea Sponge:** but you have to promise not to drive me to drink

**idiot savant:** best behaviour i swear

**Carla Radames:** can i join and film

**Sea Sponge:** sure why not

**Sea Sponge:** buffer my angst

**idiot savant:** better and better yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

**fearless leader:** good hes happy

**Son of Punlord:** hes always happy

**Claire:** why film ada

**Carla Radames:** why pirating of course

**Carla Radames:** also i like selling emotional car crashes on the internet

**Claire:** ah

**idiot savant:** thats criminal behaviour ada

**fearless leader:** uh oh ada finger waggling is back

**Carla Radames:** oh no

**Claire:** er leon

**Son of Punlord:** dont help him

**Sourpuss:** not that kind of help anyway

**Sea Sponge:** see how long it takes

**fearless leader:** you all know thatll take forever

**fearless leader: **so stop and be nice

**Son of Punlord:** yes fearless leader

**Sourpuss:** fearless national security leader

**fearless leader:** behave

**Claire:** ive been trying to get him to behave for years

**deadjellowalkin:** wait a minute

**deadjellowalkin:** if youre all disneying

**deadjellowalkin: **that leaves me claire and chris

**deadjellowalkin:** somebody take chris off our hands

**Claire:** our

**Sourpuss:** piers you little bastard you always do this

**Sea Sponge:** he does

**Sourpuss:** yeah

**Carla Radames:** mmm this could make better filming than disney night

**fearless leader:** ada you know youll end up filming both

**Carla Radames:** true

**deadjellowalkin:** you ever see him doing the hover thing

**idiot savant:** big hoverfly

**Son of Punlord:** what

**Claire:** oh that

**Claire:** yeah hes a pain in the ass

**deadjellowalkin: **thank you

**Sourpuss:** im protectin my sis

**fearless leader:** by denying her love

**Sourpuss:** im not denyin her love

**Claire:** so why does it always end with my date going missing

**Son of Punlord:** looks like piers thought ahead and made himself go missin

**deadjellowalkin:** what for

**deadjellowalkin:** to stage a miraculous comeback and still put up with chris

**Carla Radames:** let me teach you about faking deaths

**deadjellowalkin:** teach chris

**idiot savant:** nothing can kill chris

**Sourpuss:** teach me ada

**Claire:** you dont need help being my personal jack in the box

**idiot savant:** chris in the box

**Sourpuss:** leon what the hell is wrong with you

**Claire:** whoa easy before you pecsplode

**Sourpuss:** shut the hell up

**Claire:** bro youre like popeye in all the wrong places


	24. I Apologise For Nothing

fearless leader: Sherry

Son of Punlord: Jake

Sourpuss: Chris

deadjellowalkin: Piers

Carla Radames: Ada

Sea Sponge: Helena

idiot savant: Leon

**Claire:** okay i gotta go

**Claire:** later gators

**idiot savant:** luv you claire <3

**Claire:** luv you too <3

**fearless leader:** come back soon okay

**Claire:** will do

**Sea Sponge:** that sounds dangerous for your health

**fearless leader:** she is a daredevil

**Claire:** hell yeah

**deadjellowalkin:** see you later

**Sourpuss:** no he fuckin aint

**Claire:** ugh bro

**Claire:** one day youll just blammo and abs everywhere

**Sourpuss:** the fuck

**idiot savant:** like popcorn

**Sourpuss:** double the fuck

**Sea Sponge:** if i eat popcorn when i watch that is that some kind of cannibalism or inception bullshit

**deadjellowalkin:** youre sounding like leon now

**Sea Sponge:** oh god i am

**fearless leader:** sleep

**Sea Sponge:** wish i could but leon wont let me

**Sea Sponge:** and i dont mean it in the way you all think i do

**Carla Radames:** such a waste

**Claire:** have fun kiddies

** _Claire_ ** _ has left the group_

**deadjellowalkin:** i miss her already

**idiot savant:** me too

**Sourpuss:** i really want you to two to die in a fire

**idiot savant:** volcano

**Sourpuss:** ideally

**idiot savant:** then itll be traditional

**Son of Punlord:** fuck how old is claire

**Son of Punlord:** who even says later gators anymore

**idiot savant:** me

**fearless leader:** me too

**Son of Punlord:** i expected the dumbass too but dammit sherry

**fearless leader:** i apologise for nothing

**Carla Radames:** me too

**deadjellowalkin:** you mean the apology or saying later gators

**Carla Radames:** both

**Carla Radames:** although gators are used ironically

**Sea Sponge:** i apologise for everything i have done and will ever do

**Carla Radames:** then you are doing it wrong

**Sea Sponge:** i feel like thats true but also a lie

**Carla Radames:** exactly

**Sourpuss:** claires younger than me

**Son of Punlord:** youre older than shit

**idiot savant:** grandpa

**Sourpuss:** fuck no

**deadjellowalkin:** you are a bsaa founder

**deadjellowalkin:** makes you automatically old

**idiot savant:** is jill old too

**Sourpuss:** fuckin stop already

**Carla Radames:** chris is from the land before time

**idiot savant:** i love purple dinosaurs

**fearless leader:** me too <3

**Son of Punlord:** that toon sucks ass

**fearless leader:** how dare you

**Sea Sponge:** why is it you always know how to insult her

**Son of Punlord:** im sorry but shes into some really shit stuff

**fearless leader:** heeeeeeyyyyyyy

**deadjellowalkin:** why are you two in love again

**Carla Radames:** good sex

**Sea Sponge:** and all has become clear

**Sourpuss:** thought as much

**Son of Punlord:** fuck you all so damn much

**Son of Punlord:** i love her for more than her body okay

**fearless leader:** ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**fearless leader:** he said he loves meeeeeee

**fearless leader:** <3 <3 <3

**deadjellowalkin:** god it really is true love

**Carla Radames:** and now you know why i keep going back to leon

**idiot savant:** ada i love yooooooooooooooou

**Carla Radames:** how adorable

**Sea Sponge:** dont think about it too hard ada

**Sea Sponge:** he says that to every flavour of pudding cup

**idiot savant:** but especially strawb

**Sea Sponge:** see

**Carla Radames:** its still love in some form

**deadjellowalkin:** eh why not

**Son of Punlord:** thanks for makin somethin pure sound crazy

**fearless leader:** its basically all they do

**idiot savant:** what pudding cup flavour is sherry

**Carla Radames:** vanilla ;)

**Son of Punlord:** looks more strawb now

**fearless leader:** gee thanks you two

**Son of Punlord:** i apologise for nothing

**fearless leader:** ughhh


	25. Happy Landing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been a lot of fun playing with these characters and typing whatever tumbles out of my head. Thanks to everyone who has left lovely comments and been supportive; I initially wrote this as a one-shot and it’s taken off from there.
> 
> This is the finale, but I have more _Resident Evil_ stories for anybody interested. _Viral_ is a collection of drabbles set across multiple games that feature character studies, pairings and parodies.
> 
> Currently in progress is a parody of _Resident Evil 6_ entitled _Hapless_, which is the prequel to _Friends_, so keep an eye out if you would like to read more featuring the cast acting like this.
> 
> Bye for now and enjoy this extra-long chapter!

fearless leader: Sherry

Son of Punlord: Jake

Sourpuss: Chris

deadjellowalkin: Piers

Carla Radames: Ada

Sea Sponge: Helena

idiot savant: Leon

**deadjellowalkin:** you think theyll let us even land the planes

**Carla Radames:** i wouldnt

**idiot savant:** how do we all fit

**fearless leader:** its a big airfield leon dont worry

**Son of Punlord:** helenas fat ass fillin all the space

**Sea Sponge:** i waited with bated breath for that

**Sourpuss:** shit is that poetry

**deadjellowalkin:** plus your bald head

**Son of Punlord:** plus chris rockjerkin hand

**idiot savant:** were not going to fit

**idiot savant:** were all too fat

**deadjellowalkin:** good thing claire isnt here

**Sourpuss:** ugh one of these days

**Sea Sponge:** bam zoom straight to the moon

**Sourpuss:** what

**Sea Sponge:** i may be drunk again

**Sourpuss:** huh shoulda guessed

**idiot savant:** are you saying claire is too fat

**deadjellowalkin:** what no

**deadjellowalkin:** claires perfect

**idiot savant:** good

**deadjellowalkin:** jesus

**Carla Radames:** even i was scared

**Son of Punlord:** sherry is antifat

**fearless leader:** what

**Carla Radames:** tiny blonde

**fearless leader:** dont you all start again

**Sea Sponge:** we never finished

**Carla Radames:** ill say

**idiot savant:** i dont get it

**Carla Radames:** oh leon never stop being pure

**idiot savant:** will do

**Sourpuss:** god

**fearless leader:** i mean it

**Son of Punlord:** for serious serious this time

**fearless leader:** dont encourage

**deadjellowalkin:** you assume we need encouragement

**fearless leader:** ugh yeah what was i thinking

**Sourpuss:** what are you leon

**fearless leader:** wow

**idiot savant:** im able to think

**Sea Sponge:** sometimes

**deadjellowalkin:** if given time

**idiot savant:** yes

**Carla Radames:** we accept encouragement but we dont need it

**Sea Sponge:** did you get that from wesker

**deadjellowalkin:** umbrella motto

**Sea Sponge:** assassin motto

**Sourpuss:** merc motto

**Son of Punlord:** here we go

**fearless leader:** you kidding its our group motto

**Sea Sponge:** so true

**Carla Radames:** the truth hurts

**Son of Punlord:** this fuckin chat hurts

**deadjellowalkin:** everything hurts

**Sea Sponge:** eeeeeeeeeeeeeverybody huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurts

**fearless leader:** dear lord

**fearless leader:** leon confiscate the rem

**idiot savant:** but leon likes the rem

**Son of Punlord:** stop talkin in fuckin third person like a supervillain

**idiot savant:** how do you know im not a supervillain

**deadjellowalkin:** because that would make you the most broken supervillain weve ever had to face

**Sourpuss:** nope

**fearless leader:** nope

**Son of Punlord:** shit its my pa isnt it

**Sourpuss:** yep

**Son of Punlord:** i hate my life

**deadjellowalkin:** oh so youre a complete ass cause of teenage angst

**Son of Punlord:** the fuck im 20

**deadjellowalkin:** late bloomer

**Son of Punlord:** oh fuck you

**Carla Radames:** leon would you do it for a cookie

**Sea Sponge:** leon ask for two cookies

**idiot savant:** two cookies please

**Carla Radames:** you drive a hard bargain

**Carla Radames:** deal

**idiot savant:** off on my mission yay

**fearless leader:** oh my god

**fearless leader:** you turned him into a dwarf <3

**Sourpuss:** which one is he

**deadjellowalkin:** crazy

**Son of Punlord:** fuck they sound like care bears

**Sea Sponge:** crazy bear

**Sourpuss:** manchild bear

**Son of Punlord:** or lanterns

**fearless leader:** noooo dont invent crazy lanterns

**fearless leader:** or manchild lanterns

**Son of Punlord:** thats just green lantern anyways

**Son of Punlord:** so says batman

**deadjellowalkin:** wait you know about dc but not geography

**fearless leader:** sad but true

**Son of Punlord:** didnt i tell you to fuck off already

**Sourpuss:** physics do not work that way

**fearless leader:** i teach him geography and he teaches me about comics

**fearless leader:** good trade

**Son of Punlord:** sheerrrrryyyyyy

**fearless leader:** <3

**Son of Punlord:** no

**fearless leader:** coooome ooooon

**Son of Punlord: **<3

**Sea Sponge:** speaking of dwarves

**Son of Punlord:** dont you fuckin dare change my name back to that

**Sourpuss:** punlord is better

**deadjellowalkin:** so is douchebag

**deadjellowalkin:** basically any insult

**idiot savant:** success

**Carla Radames:** can you be more specific dear

**idiot savant:** rem

**Carla Radames:** excellent

**Sea Sponge:** leon you traitor

**idiot savant:** you didnt say helena would be mad at me

**Carla Radames:** no you mustnt give in to her

**Son of Punlord:** unless she sits on you and breaks your spine with her ass

**idiot savant:** nooooooooooooooooo

**Sea Sponge:** give it back

**Sea Sponge:** also shut up baldy

**fearless leader:** cmon dont break leon

**deadjellowalkin:** otherwise who else will we mock

**Sourpuss:** there are so many answers to that question

**Sea Sponge:** leon what if i give you food

**idiot savant:** foooooooooooooooood

**Carla Radames:** helena you monster

**Son of Punlord:** fatass wins again

**Sea Sponge:** sherry shut him up with your mouth or your vagina

**fearless leader:** oh my god

**Son of Punlord:** um

**Carla Radames:** ada approves

**Sourpuss:** the hell did i say about third person

**Carla Radames:** ada does what ada wants

**idiot savant:** i want food

**Sea Sponge:** eat yourself stupid

**deadjellowalkin:** too late for that

**idiot savant:** so can i eat

**Sea Sponge:** dammit yes leon

**idiot savant:** yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

**fearless leader:** dont make yourself sick okay

**idiot savant:** promise

**deadjellowalkin:** you know he will right

**fearless leader:** yeah but if i ask him to then he cant blame me

**Son of Punlord:** thats almost evil

**Son of Punlord:** <3

**fearless leader:** dammit jake

**Son of Punlord:** <3

**fearless leader:** stop

**Sea Sponge:** with your mouth

**Carla Radames:** vagina

**fearless leader:** all of you stop

**Sourpuss:** break out the booze for everybody

**Sourpuss:** lets make it a real party

**deadjellowalkin:** sounds more like it

**fearless leader:** why do i feel like were getting banned from the airfield

**idiot savant:** then we can fly forever wheeeeeeee

**deadjellowalkin:** hes on the sugar

**Sea Sponge:** jelly beans

**Carla Radames:** lets not teach leon about fuel lest he add it to fire

**Sourpuss:** wise

**fearless leader:** wouldve been wiser if you never mentioned it

**Sea Sponge:** hes busy devouring all the jelly beans he can cram into his mouth

**Carla Radames:** like a pure and beautiful dog mouth full of tennis balls

**Son of Punlord:** i dont even

**Son of Punlord:** whatever

**Carla Radames:** good boy

**deadjellowalkin:** i think ada just broke the chat

**Sourpuss:** just now

**deadjellowalkin:** im not sure anymore

**fearless leader:** im not sure of anything anymore

**Sea Sponge:** then drink your confusion away

**fearless leader:** eh why not

**deadjellowalkin:** are we all getting drunk

**Sea Sponge:** yes

**Sourpuss:** yes

**deadjellowalkin:** say bye bye aa

**Sourpuss:** go to hell aa

**deadjellowalkin:** close enough

**fearless leader:** helena whatre you drinking

**Sea Sponge:** gin

**deadjellowalkin:** and tonic

**Sea Sponge:** and gin

**Sourpuss:** lemme try that

**fearless leader:** all for the gin and gin

**idiot savant:** and jelly beans

**Carla Radames:** gin and gin and jelly beans it is

**deadjellowalkin:** i am so glad were not flying

**idiot savant:** were not flying

**fearless leader:** no leon the planes fly with us in them

**idiot savant:** ohhhh

**idiot savant:** wow

**Son of Punlord:** ugh

**Sourpuss:** everyone shut up and drink

**Sea Sponge:** i was waiting for one of us to say that

**fearless leader:** to happy landings <3

**Son of Punlord:** <3

**idiot savant:** <3

**Sea Sponge:** <3

**Sourpuss:** <3

**Carla Radames:** <3

**deadjellowalkin: **<3


End file.
